Sunday, November 28, 2004

Dumbass Woman...

That's singular, ladies, so don't take offence. The following is a rant about some idiot woman and her role in my life.

So today started out well. I slept in late, read my comics, and looked at pictures of myself as a youngster. Then my family decided we would go to see "Treasure Hunter" as a family. Sounds alright, I have to skip the pj orgy at the mall, but I'll live. Plus its a free movie.

So my sister and I drive over there early, after running by the beaverton library to get a blink cd they had on hold for me. This is important...neither of my parents were in the car with me.
We get to Century 16 and the place is packed. Literally, packed. There's no empty spots. After 10-15 minutes of slow circling, I find a spot in the back fourty...only its really tight. The minicoup on the left is right on the line and the pickup on the right is kinda close. Still, my car could fit...but this dumbass woman is in the spot right behind it with her trunk open, with no sign that she'll move in the next year...she's just blabbing away on a cell phone. Bravely, I start working my way into the spot. After three or four attempts, I decide it might not be worth it but try one last inching -- and just barely brush the minicoup. I swear, I'm not even sure I touched it. Its car alarm (which revealed its presence throught he blinking red light on the dash) wasn't even triggered. Regardless, I felt very cautious, so I backed up and stopped to inspect and ensure there was no damage. Not a mark on the mini. I shrugged and began slowing inching away, when my sister commented that the dumbass woman was making violent gestures at me and yelling something. Confused (and worried I'd ran over her rat or something...she seemed the type to have a rat) I put the car into park and stepped out. A rent-a-cop was sprinting over, drawn by the dumbass woman's (here forth to be called the daw) yells and gestures. I step out and point at the mini, commenting "Hey, I might have just bumped it, but there's no apparent damage." As he begins writing in a little notebook (as the daw speaks hurriedly into her phone about some punk totalling an expensive car and trying to drive off and she wants to report him but the security guard probably has no authority...blah blah blah) I ask if there's a problem or if I can go. The guard yells something like "Yeah, go ahead and leave...things will just be worse for you, punk!" At this, I kinda stop...I mean, what the hell? Who's this college wannabe with a little sewn on badge and a walkie-talkie calling me a punk? I could kick his skinny ass, after all. Regardless, I get all polite...I'm in a relaxed mood and the show doesn't start for an hour. Plenty of time to chat with mr. power trip here. I again walk him over to the mini and point at the area I could have feasibly hit...there's nothiing indicating an impact from a car. Nada. There is a scratch farther forward on the car, but its rather long and obviously couldn't have been made by a tap from my car. I then point at my car and its pristine front...couldn't have hit anything. Regardless, wanna-be keeps writing...what, I don't know. He demands a number and ID and I reward his curiousity with my cell number and a glance at my licence...the punk also demanded my addy. Still thinking he might have some authority, I gave it to him...why not, after all, trouble's prolly not worth it and my little sis is there. At this point, daw interjects "Officer, I heard a crack! It was really loud! You should call the cops!" I look at her in disbelief. Is she blind? "Ma'am, that car is untouched. So is mine. Law enforcement officers have no purpose here as there is no damage, no proof of an accident, and no one wishing to file a claim against me." I then turned to the rent-a-cop and asked for some paper, assuring him I'd write the owners of the coup a note with my number on it and let them handle things. And he had my info if they complained to him. This thought seemed to placate him, and he then said I was probably fine...after all, there was no visible damage and the people had no reason to complain (he was saying this more to himself than me). I then got in the car, pulled away, and found a parking spot even farther away, one with no daws around, and parked there. As we walked to the theater, my sister pointed out the daw was still bitching to the wanna-be about me, apparently confident I was some sort of wanted felon who needed to be arrested. I just waved and walked on, internally pissed that such dumb annoying people were allowed to exist in the world.

As a side note, "Treasure Hunter" was an enjoyable film, but nothing to rave about. Its a popcorn movie, the kind you watch to kill time. Nothing really great about it, though there are some funny moments.

-JB

6 comments:

Ken said...

That's rough, John. I'm glad you were nice enough to give the lady an outlet for her suppressed anger about her ugliness and corrupted soul.

If you asked my mom, the radio waves from the cell phone were screwing up her head.

Nancy said...

you're a good storyteller john. something kind of like that happened to me once, only the lady threatened to call her husband over and then followed us back to our house even after we gave her all our info. It was really creepy.

The mall was fun though. We'll have to do it again sometime.

Misha said...

good story! very entertaining, stupid people...jerks

Misha said...

good story! very entertaining, stupid people...jerks

Scott said...

Nothing like that's ever happened to me...except this time this lady yelled at me for cutting her off, subsequently spilling her food. She was probably right to do so, though.

As a side note...it's called "National Treasure"...

Patrick Schneider said...

I had a run in with a dumbass woman today. I was driving home on miller when i see a school bus with the yellow lights flashing i begin to slow and after about 2 seconds they turn red. This woman right in front of me goes right past the flashing red lights and a big red stop sign on the side of the bus. Alot of kids have been hurt or worse by these wreckless drivers. So i catch up with her at the light to turn left onto cornell. the light turns green and she goes, wow whats this! she breaks real hard and turns up this driveway without and signals. it really pisses me off when people dont use signals, and when they dont turn them off.