Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Ten more minutes of November,

and it went fast. Yesterday, Mr. Higgins told us that we had seventeen more days of class left until the new semester (and Allen... out of the frying pan and into the burning flames of hell). Seventeen. That goes for all the other classes, too... of our four years at Jesuit, I like being a senior best, but (maybe because of that?) it's going the fastest.

What's weird here is that all the college applications are making me want to learn and live at some university, far, far away. I can't wait until June and freedom. So the fact that realizing this year is slipping by yields a sense of loss seems paradoxical or at least ironic... but it does. It's realizing how much fun it will be to live on my own, under my own control, but then realizing that all of you probably won't be there.

I don't know about you guys, but every time some annual routine happens, I immediately think, "well, that's my last Halloween at home," or "there's my last Thanksgiving living here," or "oop, last time we have that first Advent prayer in the morning that totally catches you by surprise." And I know it's gone, and I miss it already.

Seventeen is too young for nostalgia.


Ben said...

I feel the same way, except I am eighteen and have been nostalgic since eighth grade. By the way, that's Ken, right?

Katie said...

Hmmm...I'm thinking either "Crap! I need to pull my grades up", then "Ah fuck it I'm a senior it doesn't matter", then "Crap! But that means finals are soon I hate finals" then "Ah fuck it I don't care about finals it just means I'm almost out of here" then "Crap! I'm almost out of here?!? Wait, what?" then...okay, you get the picture.

It's not so much that I want to leave here as I want to go somewhere else...does that make sense?

17 classes...crap.

Senior Year should be called Survival Year. That's all it is.

Adrianna said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Adrianna said...

Yeah, I know what you mean. Senior year is a paradox. I am just so tired of jumping through hoops to get another random mark on a random piece of paper. I'm getting a C in math for the first time ever, but I find myself not caring, and my main motivation in my passion, Tech, is "will Jeff get pissed if I do this?" and the list goes on.

But at the same time I realize that I'm going to be leaving the place I love and the people I love in a few short months, and that scares me. For the first time in my life I have a bit of security, a safety net, and now I'm gonna have to cut it and move to god knows where in pursuit of freedom and what I want to do with the rest of my life. On the one hand it is quite possibly the coolest idea in the world. On the other, it's so scary it makes me want to crap my pants. And on a third, invisible hand, the prospect of continuing on to college with some people I know from here would probably be the coolest thing in the world, but I have to ask myself (on my fourth hand... um I guess I'm using feet now) if I'm going to college to be with friends or because I really want to go to that college because it is in the best interests of my future. Ah, soul-searching. Good stuff. But so far I'm definitely working for the best interests of my brain, so I'm proud of me.

So yeah, part of me wants to go back to maybe Sophomore year and do some stuff over, to savor the time I have here. But then the smart part of me is like "hey! Sophomore year sucked, and do you really want to write your Junior paper over again? HEELLLL NAW!" (my smart part is a very sassy African-American woman. I like to think in stereotypes.)

Mr. Simmons is coming around, gotta go. But I love ya! (DAMMIT I want December 15 or so to come so I can find out if I have to apply to any other colleges...)

Nancy said...

For the past two summers, I have lived for weeks at two different colleges and I loved the freedom like no other. But yeah, sometimes..no actually a lot of times I wish we could stay kids forever. Damn nostalgia! Geez, can you just imagine yourself this time next year, you'll be sitting in a dorm room at some school some place doing god knows what. I know, Holy. Crap. But what can you do? that's life and it's going far too fast for my liking.

Well, that's all I have to say.

Rhoads said...

Hey! I have an idea! Why dont all of you come to Portland Meadows on Saturday at 9:30 am to watch the NATIONAL Cross-country meet and cheer on your Crusaders. We can all be nostalgic together at the race.

Misha said...

Oh God, ken, you take the words right out of my mouth. I can't believe that it's going so fast. Wow, those pangs of nostalgia really hurt. But second semester means no more allen for me! I'm off to the Higgs.
Rock on!


PS mike r. way to put in your random 2 cents about sports...I like it.

Dave said...

sure, but I like to think of it this way:
I've had four great years with great friends, but I have as many as 80 (hopefully not more...) years to celebrate life with new friends and family, in new roles, new times, with new trials and new joys. Besides, we're only halfway through senior year... we still have a long time kids.

Nancy said...

oh man, you're going to have a fun time with higgins...

Cynda said...

Ok that's it all of you stop now!!! I'm already hormonal...I don't need to be sent into hour long breakdowns thank you very much!!! Yes the year is going by way too fast; yes I've never felt more loved then I do this year; Yes I've never had more fun either (despite all that other shit); Yes I wish we could all go off to college together and let the good times roll on...aw damn it...now you've done it