Thursday, December 30, 2004

Ben Questions the Billions, Vol.3

So ya guys all hear about Ken's party? Good.

Okay, this is a column that hasn't seen the light of day for awhile, but I'm bringing it back to see if it's salvageable at all. So I got a double dose of queries coming your way. Sorry if you've heard them before. They are original in my head, but that doesn't mean much.

This one pertains to my epic slacking over the last week:
Is it still a break if it is the majority of your time? Example: I am currently taking what has been a 40 minute break after doing approximately 6 minutes of work.

And from current events:
How shitty does your country have to be to be declared fourth world? What level of revoltingly pathetic suffering is needed such that the Third World countries don't want to be associated with you?


Rachel said...

Of course it's still a break! It doesn't really matter the length of time spent on break, so much as the fact that during a BREAK you are not WORKING, whereas during WORK you are doing just What a silly question Benji.

And I didn't even know there was a "Fourth World" classification, so your country must SUCK if it sinks to that level. I mean, Third World is rough as it is...but this only brings another question to mind: What are the Second World Countries? Places like Mongolia? Or South Africa where sometimes it's alright, but sometimes it's just not pleasant?

Ben said...

Thanks for the reassuring words about taking breaks. That's what I thought, but sometimes when you try to justify near-total disregard for the amount and quality of work you've done to your parents, these question come up.

And about the second one, I guess I assumed that the classification Fourth World did not yet exist and I was wondering what it would take to get your country labeled as such. I don't know how its possible. Maybe if you drop a couple of skinny kids off in Antarctica. As for Second World countries, I always think of Turkey, but I don't know if any country is actually termed Second World. Its probably taboo because those countries have just enough resources and trading power that we don't want to offend them or something like that.

Dave said...

making my whole life one giant break, with work occasionally interupting it...

I think third world is an old term, coming from the classifications "old world" (i.e. europe), "new world" (i.e. the Americas), and "third world" (i.e. everywhere else)

the term first world came into use during the Cold War era I'm thinking...

so a fourth world country would literally be a nation discovered beyond the present scope of geo-political knowledge... such as on another planet?

Cynda said...

Whoa Dave that sounded really smart!!!

Ken said...

Question one: am I allowed to get mad at you for bragging about all your free time, or should I just admit that I am reaping the rewards of procrastination?

(Consider the academic programs in the school/college you indicated above. How will you utilize them to further explore your general academic interests?

First, I will improve my vocabulary, so that I can toss around impressive sounding words like “utilize” when “use” would have worked just fine. Then I'll weasel my way onto the admissions staff, where I'll squeeze in as many Dilbert-esque essay questions as I can. Assholes.)

Two: the term "Third World" is from the Cold War, and it was used to describe countries aligned with neither the United States or the Soviet Union. People filled in Western-leaning countries as "First World" and USSR satellites as "Second World." So your Fourth World really just needs a radical new ideology: not capitalist, not communist, but not trying to court both sides either. Kind of a "who-gives-a-damnism."

Ben said...

How many apps are you currently engaged in, my fellow Cardinal? I got five due on New Years, and Wash U on the 15th. Plus the English and History that I promised myself I would start and finish during break. That I haven't started. When are those due, by the way? I'm probably ok. Anyways, I wasn't trying to brag about free time. I don't have it but I'm spending it anyway. Going into debt. But I'm not hosting a New Years bash. Good luck with all that stuff Ken. That one app you keep quoting sounds pretty tough. Bang Away!

Memo to John: Gorman wants us to do our math presentation Monday. If Pat's gone, will we have to go? Do you want me to learn his part?

Its times like these I wish I was on AIM. But I would never get anything done.

Thanks for answering the questions.

Ben said...

And I really like your term "who-gives-a-damnism."

Its the perfect political theory for Doug's Apathy Party. Which he will never get started unless Pat Schneider merges it with his Bull-Moose party revival and I add in my Conscience party members.

Have I explained the Conscience party? Basically its the party of Catholic people. We whole-heartedly admit that we will do whatever the pope says and won't try to pretend otherwise. I figure we could also pull along all the people who are pretty much libs but vote GOP because they are adamently pro-life. And we could nominate people like Ken Colwell, who, let's face it, would dominate any debate they let him in.

If anyone wants to help me set up that party, I'm ready. As long as I get to be refered to as the Mastermind and the party as my Brainchild. That would really help my ego. Especially if I wore a turban. While people fanned me.

So yeah, if we could figure out a way to motivate the Apathetic people to vote for the Conscience Party candidate, we'd be gold...

I just figured it out (sorry this is so long but this is genius) Our candidate would be a called A Conscienian, or something like that, but we'd be like the Republicans and have a weird acronym that would go on the ballot. People Organized Right Now, or something. I'm pretty sure people like Doug would overcome their natural apathy just long enough to vote for P.O.R.N. Unless I don't know Doug. And I know Doug.

Ken said...

Jesus, Ben, 3:00 in the morning? Did you dream all of this and then think, "The blog! THIS MUST GO IN THE BLOG!"?

Don't know about papal politics... but when this pope dies and we get a new one, hopefully he'll make the Conscience party more appealing. I kinda have to doubt that he'd be urging us to vote for P.O.R.N. though.

As for the Apathy Party... why would they vote?

Doug said...

The apathy party would vote because they have nothing better to do except fill out college applications that are due today, but don't really care about them, so will procrastinate in any way possible.

Ken said...

Those poor bastards, huh, Doug.

By the way, I'll help you guys found P.O.R.N... it's a clear path to power in today's America if I've ever seen one... plus, think of the industries that would give us perks. (Okay, the industry.)