Thursday, December 16, 2004

You Know You're from Portland, OR When...

You Know You're From Portland, OR When...
Two-thirds of the people you know are from California, yet there is no sun.
You can list five reasons why Starbucks is evil.
You blame everything that's not right on ex-Californians.
You remember the date, severity, time of day, where you were, and how long you were out of power for every winter weather event for the last five years.
You know what and when the Columbus Day storm was. Bonus for having been there.
You go to a coffee bar and see two guys get into a fight over who makes the best India Pale Ale.
You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have microbreweries/brewpubs printed on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff.
You can go a whole week without seeing the sun or a person of color.
You have a bookstore, coffee bar, and brewpub all within walking distance of your house.
You think downtown is scary 'cause you were panhandled there ... once.
When you drive out of town, every other guy in a pickup looks like the governor.
When you drive out of town, even the Hondas have gun racks.
When the weather gets above 50 degrees you put on your shorts, but you still wear hiking boots and your parka.
When the weather gets above 60 you replace your hiking boots with sandals.
You think people who use umbrellas are wimps.
You can recount more than five anecdotes about why the East Side is a crime-infested jungle
... OR ...
You can list more than five reasons why the West Side is a boring, snobby, white-bread suburb.
You know what it is in between the East Side and the West Side, and how to pronounce it.
You are sitting at a red light surrounded by Subaru Legacy Outbacks.
A tree or mudslide has ever damaged your house or car.
You live equidistant to a symphony hall, a winery, and a volcano.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Portland, OR.

That was freelance blogger Chris Pozzi reporting.


Adrianna said...

Oh God, it's all so true...

Dude remember the flooding in '96? That was awesome. I got two bucks for helping my parents bail out the basement with a tupperware container. Just when we got our pump working again the rain stopped. Pssht, stupid rain ruining all my fun.

Or the windstorm in '92. I remember getting out of school early because of that one. My power was out for a couple of days-- it was really cool because I got to do my homework by a kerosene lamp and eat cold cuts we salvaged from Fred Meyers (they lost power too, so they covered all of the freezers with plastic sheets and refused to open them lest they let all the cold out).

We really need a good old decent Oregon storm again. Haven't had one in awhile. Sure, the snow last year was pretty, but it didn't have the sheer power of landslide-causing torrential rains or wind that blew trees around like... um... trees. I like Oregon storms. *sigh* I'm gonna miss 'em... but I can always watch them on the Weather Channel hooray!

I'd suggest more hippie jokes. Because we are very, very, hippie-ish here in good old P-Town.

Nancy said...

honestly, I couldn't really agree with any of them..except for the umbrellas one.

Cynda said...

Nancy's not a true Oregonian....SHES A COMMI (or wich if you prefer)...let's burn her!!!!

Nancy said...

But how do you know I'm a witch?

Cynda said...

Oops I spelled witch wrong....thats embarrassing....Anyway you look like a witch!!

Shakeer said...

You look like one!

Shakeer said...

Wow beat by forty seconds!

Nancy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Nancy said...

I'm not a witch!

Misha said...

"Well she turned me into a newt!"
"A newt?"
"...I got better..."
"Burn 'er anyway!"

"Build a bridge out of her!"

"so if she weighs as much as a duck, then she's made of wood"
"and therefor"
"we shall use my largest scales"

Ben said...

Words cannot express my pride in this blog and the level of communication and understanding we reach through it. If the world leaders could only witness what we have done here, maybe, just maybe, we could finally have peace.