Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Since You're Not Feeling Poetic

Driving home from work tonight, I passed a bus shelter. Outside it stood a man in a what one hasty glance told me to be a fairly worn (and not well-filled) leopard skin bikini. Clothes strewn on the ground about him, the 50+ year old man with a substantial gut calmly looked down the street to see if the bus was coming. This scared the crap out of me.

In other news, I received two pieces of post today. One informed me that my Washington University application was incomplete (its not, unless they're counting the Mid-Year Grade Report) and the other told me that I need to write an essay for the miniscule chance I have to be a Presidential Scholar (or something like that, it only has like 140 winners out of a pool of 2600, so I know I'm not gonna get it and didn't study it too intensely.)

Equally troubling, my personal hero Shakeer is trying his hardest to avoid the fate my dream predicted for him by developing a relationship with a 16 year-old girl from Massachusetts. Can't fight fate my man. [I guess it's not your fault since I won't tell you what the dream foretold, but the girl is not worthy of Your Robotness.]

But just a couple of finals stand before us and second semester senior year, so you know what to do. Bang Away!

post script
Please pray, for my sake, that Mr. Benware believes time is cyclical.

7 comments:

Adrianna said...

Hooray for bikinis and crazy people waiting for the bus.

Hey, try for the Presidential Scholar thing... it's money! My parents won't let me take this test for a $20k scholarship because apparently it's too much money (99 bucks plus a one night hotel stay in the middle of winter in Wisconsin, not Hawaii or anything) to go someplace to... win money. Good times.

Also, you used the word post. Hee hee.

Shakeer said...

Hah, oh Ben! Unfortunately, your prophecy cannot and will not come true.

Oh and your story reminds me of a song from the new Decemberists album about male prostitutes in Portland bus malls.

Ben said...

Clarifications:

I used the word post as a bit of one-ups manship to Shakeer's one piece of post today (although his was cooler than both of mine put together.)

I just checked and confirmed that Pozzi and Mertens are the other guys from Jesuit. [Triple last year's number from JHS, but Pittman wasn't listed for some reason.]

There is no money. Just an all-expenses paid trip to D.C. with my most influential teacher. Man, what I wouldn't give for a weekend with Schaal!

Mathematically, there is a 5% chance I would win. Realistically...

THE BEST NEWS: You're not gonna believe it, but the two girls from St. Mary's who qualified both played on our soccer team. Tracy and Theresa. How cool is that?

Ben said...

Shakeer specific clarification:

Unless you're living an alternative lifestyle (which I would be totally fine with ;-) ), the propehcy will come true. Much to your jubilant chagrin. You lucky dog you. [I think you're forgetting Comparative Religions. I'm part American Indian and thus my drugged out visions have merit.]

post script
I understand how fucking awesome it is that you found this girl who is a carbon copy of you and your tastes, but as Seinfeld finds out with the girl who saves his life, people can't stand to be with people exactly like themselves.

post post script
Holy Fuck are you gonna be embarrassed if its just Gus or Sean (or Ken for that matter) pulling off an elaborate hoax!

post post post script
I think I'm just jealous that you put her above the outsiders. After like a week. It hurts man.

Shakeer said...

Haha, right after Sean found out about it, he was like "ehh what if this is an elaborate hoax by Ben Vincent?"

But yeah, I don't know why you all think there's "something going on". I mean jeez, if anything it's just like a professional respect amongst blogging colleagues!

And yes, I guess it is an alternate lifestyle of sorts...it's called being muslim!

Oh and yeah I debated alot about where to place it. I didn't want to place it at the very bottom because that would be below the xanga blogring! But I didn't want to put it in the middle because then I'd have to make judgements about which blogs it's better than and that would suck. So I just put it at the top below mine.

I think I might do a "blogs of my friends" and "other blogs I read" category but I need more other blogs before I can do that.

Ben said...

Yeah, sorry if I'm reading too much into things. [SHE WANTS YOUR BALLS SHAKEER!] I mean obviously there is merely a mutual excitement at finding such a similar personality 3000 miles away. [SHE WANTS TO RIP THAT ROBO SUIT OFF YOU AND GET DOWN!] I guess I just envy the level of communication the two of you are sharing. [SHE HAS READ YOUR WHOLE BLOG SINCE DAY 1 AND IS COUNTING THE SECONDS TO YOUR ARRIVAL IN NEW YORK CITY, WHERE SHE WILL SURPRISE YOU AND BECOME YOUR LOVE SLAVE!] I am just worried about you because the same thing happened with me and this girl cartoonist from Montreal. [NOT REALLY!]

post script
I will stop bothering you. [I HOPE TO GOD YOU HAVE SEEN "CRUSH!"]

Anonymous said...

Hey it's The Stubes,
Now I'm going to have really freaky dreams. Thanks a lot.