Monday, February 28, 2005

Volvos have a mean bite [ see "punishment for my 1980 volvo"]

So I was leaving rehersal late last week and was at the hillsdale interssection when I feel my volvo start to shake like it was still cold, but the temperature gage was half up, no reason for it to studder. All of a sudden my lights flash off and all interior lights start flickering, (and I was like Oh my God, they have come for, me! Scotty Beam me up) to my disapointment no beaming occured so I gave my volvo a little gas and the gas gage drops from full to half in two seconds, but then everything turned back on. So I thought, "okay that was weird?" so I keep driving and I am going down the hill and reach the intersection of Capital Highway and Twiliger. When my engine simply cuts out! (And, I was like Oh my God, they're trying to send me a message! Jesus? Buddah? Moses? Mohammad? Spock?) My first instict is to get the Hell off the road, so I put my four ways on and brake attempting to place the volvo on the sidwalk because their is nowhere else. The car completly shuts off except for lights, then after I have the thing parked the oil light flashes on. And of course I had just checked the oil level two weeks before hand, there was no way for the car to have drained completly in only two weeks. So I Call my house and my dad asks if the car will start, I try it again (I already knew the answer, but I did it anyway to humor him) and as expected nothing happend, but to his surprise, nothing happened. The car would not even turn over! So he directs me to the hood of the car and asks if any tubs had come undone, I respond no. He asks if any belts had broke, I respond no. He asks if The Oil is gone, I respond no. He asks if I am gay, I respond no. So with no luck I climb back in the car and he says he will come over ASAP with the truck and pull me home. So I wait.

After about ten minutes, I see police car lights behind me, I get out and a lady officer asks what happened, I tell her the story and that my dad is on the way, she puts out flares, gives me a kiss... or five and then leaves. So I go and wait in the car and then my lights start to flicker again. and the battery dies. This is a brand new battery only a month old and it dies on me because I had my forways on for twenty minutes! So my parents arrive and they drab my ass home with no lights (which is illegal) and we park it at our old house in SE. The nexty day we discover that the brushes on the voltage regulator had worne down, an easy fix. So that was eventful.

1 comment:

Ben said...

Dude, don't lose this number one thing for us, or the next thing you'll be writing about is the mysterious tire slashing. Just kidding. But seriously, it's up to 859,000. They're adding more like crazy, and we're still on top! I think Google took it as a personal challenge to beat this humble blog. And they Kant do it.

I wish many good, diverse breakdowns on your car, so we can continue this Hemingway-esque saga of man struggling against the fickleness of the machine upon which he has come to define his existence, which itself is a metaphor for his eternal frustration and befuddlement at the hands of the opposite sex. English Award here I come.

post script
Note to Jeff- that was not written in seriousness. Like the other day when I talked about the chess team being at Lincoln, and told you that I had seen Elise and that Doug had to restrain me for fear that I might lose the bet. The fact that you did not pick up on any the malicious sarcasm (indeed, even calling me sad) has had me questioning the effectiveness that my four years of perpetual mockery has had upon your understanding of my most favorite of comedic mediums. Apparantly all my hard work has been for nothing. Oh well, at least Alex now picks up on it when we make fun of him for turning a girl lesbian.