Thursday, June 30, 2005

No Sailor Jokes...

Guess who successfully completed the Oregon On-line Boating Safety Course offered by the Boat U.S. Foundation for Boating Safety, in partnership with the National Safe Boating Council on 6/30/2005 5:08:38 PM?
Yep, me. It isn't an event intrinsically worth notifying the blogging community about... but it makes Ben happy when people post.


Arizona Rose

Hey ya all... at Ben's behest I'm making a post about the 2 and a half tons of Arizona Rose Sandstone(thats the type of stone in that link up there) that I get to spend the better part of my weekend moving. This sandstone is going to become a walkway that extends from the back corner of the house to the back middle of the yard to a small brick circle. I'm supposed to tell you guys all about the fun of moving all that stone. Instead, how's about you come try it out? If you feel some sort of pity, please come on by and move some rock. We could make a work party out of it maybe? Anyone who wants to can use the hot tub to soak afterwards, and I can get munchies and stuff.

To Ben: My Deepest Apologies

Due to the negligence of various actions and inactions today, I have put Cynda and Magda at terrible risk. It all started when Cynda convinced me that Ian, Magda, herself and I should go stargazing. After carefully deliberating and calculating the risks involved, I decided that Ian and should be able to protect the women, probably not as well as you in your station wagon, but well enough. Because light pollution in the Portland area is so awful, we decided to go to Banks. A quite country town is the last place for innocent girls to be, but once again, I decided that Ian and I would prove to be enough to deter any possible assailants. As the sun set and stars began to come out, I reached a horrifying conclusion, stargazing requires it to be both dark and night! The night time is when all the bad guys come out, and since its dark, people are much less protected. This was no place for two young women, even with two guys around. I tried rushing them out as soon as possible, but they wouldn't budge. I tried to explain to them the consequences of their action, but they wouldn't listen. Not being able to leave them, I had no other option but to stay until they were ready to go. We finally left just before midnight, I started to get very anxious, because in addition to rapists and murderers, that is when ghosts and witches come out to terrorize their victims. Also, it was now 11:30 am in the Middle East, and that the time that terrorists strike most often, right before lunch. We were two blocks down the road when I realized I left my cell phone on the grass where we lay. Instead of driving back the next day when it was light and without girls whom it was my obligation to protect, I decided to go back and get it. Since the girls didn't want to get out of the car, me and Ian left them to look for it ourselves. Oh God, why did we leave them so?! Our back was only turned for a second, when two trucks full of rednecks with shotguns pulled up to our car. They attempted to box us in, no doubt to punish us for trespassing by taking advantage of our women. Luckily, with some fast thinking, I started the car and drove around their blockade, barely avoiding what surely would have been a deadly confrontation. Ben I do not deserve forgiveness for my transgressions, but believe me, I am so eternally sorry for what I did. I should never have left them alone in that car, even for just a few seconds. Imagine what would happen if the rednecks would have come just a few seconds earlier. If you never see me again, it is because I could not take the guilt.

I suck at coming up with titles

Hey, I was gonna throw in a review of "War of the Worlds" tonight, but then I scrolled below to my previous post and found a few people up in arms (maybe not the right term, but you know what I mean). Anyway, sorry about that, I probably got a little carried away. Hope no one got too offended by it, and if you did, talk to me personally.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Rightwing, Leftwing, Chickenwing

Yeah, so I was looking up stuff to show Scott about the existance of the 27 club of dead rock stars (as we were about to see Last Days, Gus Van Sant's fictionalized retelling of Kurt Cobain's life shortly before he died) , but as usual Google first gave me some crazy fundamentalist stuff. (linked above) Read that tripe [God smiting people through asthma, etc.] then take the quiz on the bottom. Choose death. Then read the stuff and choose to be saved; it will make them happy. On second thought, if you can stomach it, reject them again and see what happens. Yeah, these people definitely need to be discouraged. So it's probably not good that I'm linking them and boosting their Google status.

post script
Scott thought you hung a sock on your door to let your roommate know you were busy with a lady. Man, I saved that guy some embarassment. I wonder if a sock means anything?

post post script
Epic Soundtracks died 97-11-22 ? There was a guy named Epic Soundtracks?

Don't Drink Diet Soda! And Watch ABC!

Diet Sodas have Aspertane.
Aspertane kills people!
Don't drink Diet Sodas!!

True: There was this lady that my great-aunt knew who was slowly killing herself by drinking diet soda. She only had a few weeks to live and was paralyzed and thus in a wheelchair. The Doctors had no idea what was wrong or why she was so close to death. Then one of her friends called and told her that she had read an article in a magazine that this artificial sweetener called aspertane when it reaches 86 degrees it turns into a poisen, sure enough thats what happened and she could walk within a week and here uncontrolable shaking was gone! The doctors were amazed.

True: We painted our bathroom two shades of blue not pink :)

True: I still don't have internet or my sunglasses. (David- call me. Misha don't bother.)

True: Omega Directive will be changing its name shortly (because of some copyright violation with Star Trek--damn them) and will recieve more posts as well as some huge newly created blog sites linked as soon as I can reserve a computer with a USB drive at the library. Spoilers- there will be maps and new connections to my written story which has made great progress

True: My aunt (the one with the three Autistic children and baby) went to the open casting call of ABC's Extreme Makeover here in portland last week and got a chance to send in a video about the kids and the unfinished house. We all are hoping and praying that they will choose our family to fix up. That would be so Great!

Monday, June 27, 2005

Because Ben Made Me

Hi. I am posting this in exchange for Ben coming along to play pool. Just thought you should know that. Do read it, though, 'cause I don't post here without good reason.

Luckily, Blogger gets along with the Mac MUCH better than the PC (long random delays while typing = Scott avoids posting as much as possible (and oh, by the way, in case you're like Ben and don't read my personal blog (which you should, it's entertaining), I got a Mac Powerbook and I love it and I want to think of a name for me)).

So, round six o'clock Pacific Standard Time I'm driving around, trying DESPERATELY to do something (despite saying we should do something, Alan Toffler was not answering his phone). So I call Ben up, who is curiously in a meeting with Dr. Gorman (okay, I read the Gravy so I knew that, but it's still strange to hear). He says he'll be free in an hour. Then I call Mike to invite him along, who says he's randomly going downtown. Then Doug calls and says I should come downtown too (this is about the time I realize it wasn't just Mike going downtown).

So I drive around for a bit, then meet with with Mike, Doug, Amir, Nancy, Cynda, and Maggie at Pioneer Courthouse with my later-to-be-lost umbrella in tow. We walk to Powell's, Cynda complains, then we walk to Everyday Music and Cynda complains. Then, to appease her, we take the Streetcar to 23rd instead of walking, but even then she complains. Sometime during the ride to 23rd, Ben calls and says Fountain of Wayne is playing at Music Millenium. Score!

Well, they only play for like a half hour, but it was still pretty cool. The girls had ran off to get dinner at some Mexican Grill, so Ben, Doug, and I join them there, and decide to play pool.

This is where the story gets weird. It's around this time I discover my umbrella has vanished, which I will blame the following events on. So the eight of us pile in Ben's car (not ODOT approved, I'm sure), rock out to Bob Dylan, then Ben drops me and Mike off at the Smart Park on 3rd (not the one with the spiral, unfortunately). Around this time, we discover an alarm.

MIKE: "It's probably 'cause we were...standing there."
ME: "That doesn't make any sense."
MIKE (as we ascend the stairs): "It's going off on like every floor."
ME: "There's a fire!"
MIKE: "Oh!...yeah, that's definitely a fire alarm flashing over there."

So we BOOK IT to my car, hop in, turn Katie's CD (which I had been listening to earlier) to track 12 - The Scorpions version of "Rock You Like a Hurricane" and blast out of a line of cars trying to get out through ONE station, even though the other chick is just haning out in another one while the one chick is getting the customers through, talking to God-knows-who on the phone, and dealing with the fire department. Real smooth.

Eventually we make it out of the downtown area, thrown on Guns N' Roses, and make it to Hot Shots.

Then Mike realizes he has to go home. Nancy and Maggie follow, Maggie because she lives right next to Mike, and Nancy becuase her mom is picking her up at Maggie's.

Long story short, Ben fears for the safety of Maggie and Nancy and takes off to rescue them. I run after Ben and make numerous attempts to stop his car (knowing that if he didn't have the grit to let Maggie and Nancy go, he sure as hell didn't have the grit to run me down). He does some careful juking, and escapes me.

So we call him up and tell him, with no facts to back it, that Maggie just called and they got home safe.

Ben returns, but continues to pout all evening. Let it go, man.

10:40 rolls around and everyone goes home.

Now, what's the point of this story? The point isn't merely that Ben forced me to do this. I found a real reason to post it. And this story has been told to you to illustrate how completely lame we are. I honestly don't care if you have work. This is summer. It's about going balls-to-the-wall on a crazy idea and not giving a damn about its consequences. It's about talking and laughing 'til the sun comes up. It's about going and exploring, working plan-free and taking what the night dishes to you. Taking it out, and chopping it up.

John, if you're reading this, this is exactly why you're sensing everyone "drift away." Buck up and get out of the office, or at least don't let the office rule your life when you're off the clock. I woulda told you that personally, but frankly, you don't return my calls (which might be another reason people "drift away").

Anyway, if anyone's up for the kinda summer I have in mind, any night of the week, you let me know. Unless I got other commitments that night, I'll be there.

Remember, we're still kids. Responsibility can sit it out.




            OH I SEE HOW IT IS


              George Carlin

              I am sure that some of you already knew this, seeing how it was in the paper the other day, but let me put it visually:

              is the same person who did the voices for:

              I am glad our children are in safe hands. Or mouths.

              PS: Ben, feel free to delete this post, which is inappropriate on so many levels.

              Saturday, June 25, 2005

              54th National Square Dance Convention

              It was on the the Max When i relized that surronding mee were dozens of people who are old looked like this. i died as, if part of my soul was consumed so that theese eldars coold life four another yeer of square dancing in redikuolus dancing. Football game was sweet, but I think my subconscious blocked out the whole evening because of the incident on the bus. SO many old people. If I may, I'd like quote a visionary and perhaps the most profound writer of this or any century:

              "At first, I didn't think that wrinkled bag of shit [John Glenn] deserved to go into space again, but now that I think about it, it's a great idea. I think more old people should be launched into space. Permanently. You see, it's a great idea because old people are so easily tricked! You just tell them anything, and they'll get confused all to hell, and then while they're not looking, you push them into the rocket, slam the door shut, and launch the bastards straight into the sun.

              It's a simple plan. I call it by its code name: the "Get rid of all the old people by launching them into the sun, because they're worthless" plan.

              But of course, like all great plans, this one has its hitches. I know there are going to be some bleeding heart sissies that are going to think it's wrong to launch old people into the sun. But don't worry, I've got a plan to deal with them too.

              First, we hire billions of lumber jacks to take down as much of the rain forest as they can. Bonus to every team that causes the extinction of another species. Then, while all those hippies go down to protest the chopping of the trees, we fence them in and set the whole place on fire. If they complain, tough shit. They shouldn't have been so stupid to fall into our trap. Suckers.


              I''ll rite moor on jacking street sighns adn the game l8r,, but know I must douse my eyes in bleech and to litsen to death mettle and wrap, or anything that ain't coutnry.

              PS: Eat it, Shakeer. I do what I want. I do what I want.

              I had a dream last night that after Ben re-invited me to this blog, somehow a fear that I'd post something very critical of Gravy overcame him and he temporarily removed me. He explained that it was for my own safety and if I remember correctly, was very worried about some sort of insurrection or something on the blog and wanted to maintain order. He later reinstated me but was still wary. I'm worried too now. I'm not sure whether I'm suppose to post some extremely controversial rant concerning the blog or heed Ben's warning from my dream and avoid being critical at all costs.

              Then again, one of the reasons I asked Ben to invite me onto this again and make me an admin was so I could do things like correct bad spelling and grammar. Tuesday I'm looking at you. In fact, that's really one of the only reasons. Maybe I'll just stick to that.

              No, this isn't the first time there's been blogging in my dreams. But hi.

              Monday, June 20, 2005

              Steppenwolf: An In-Depth Essay

              Just kidding. But the cause for such subterfuge is that today was the first of our Godel, Esher, Bach Starbucks meetings with Dr. G. Which none of you math guys came to. I gave Dr. G our Gravy address and he will be checking in periodically, as well as using it as a launching point to read the work of the greatest of the Young American Bloggers, the one and only Shakeer Rahman. For those in both Great Eight physics and third period math, if we don't either show up to the meetings or finish the paper, we will sorely dissapoint the man who has done a lot for us over the last few years. I guess this post has no meaning to many of you. I shall try to remedy that. I've been meaning to say this for months, an AIM conversation where Katie and I debated the merits of Whitman vs. Longfellow and Thoreau vs. Emerson reminded me, with me of course championing the former, much more awesome ones [Save the time you would spend making fun of us thinking about why you compulsively feel the need to mock others.] Anyway, if you're reading or listening to or somehow engaging your mind in something and digging it, give the rest of us a headsup. {Use discretion, Ken} I meant to say that all year because we all read different people in English, at least in AP, and if you liked something, give it a review. I myself am currently reading Steppenwolf and find it pretty interesting. The best thing I read this year was Zorba the Greek and that is pretty much the perfect summer book, so give it a shot. I have a copy open for borrowing, complete with the highlightings of a man trying to write a paper {in pink, I think}, so don't let availability stop you. It's good stuff.

              post script
              I thought for sure I'd at least see the Heat and Ansaf, but no. John was an excused absence, however.

              post post script
              Due to my attendance at the meetings, on Mondays I will be on the west side of town, which of course means Mondays evenings should be reserved by all for kickball and Burgerville. Just throwing that out there.

              Les Schwab Bowl

              PGE park, 7 on saturday, but gates open at 4:30, and I guess there will be cool stuff to do then, but I don't get off work utnil later.

              Among those participating:
              Jon Bruer, Jordan Mast, Heath Faulk, Billy Bates, who is an asshole, Mikhail Powell, who is a traitor who transferred to Beaverton this year, Alex Fong, who is pretty cool, won Metro Discus, also his last name rhymes with Dong, KP is coaching, Breza, but he's a bad guy, which is good, becasue he sucks, and by sucks, I mean he kicked our asses, and of course, Aaron Mumford, who none of you have ever heard of, but who will be a freshman at Cornell next year.

              Unfortunatly, one Ian Machuca is in Italy and can't get exclusive MAC club seats, which sucks, but oh well. So, barring anyone else having a MAC membership, tickets are $5 for students.

              2 Months Left!

              Ken, two months from today, well, yesterday to be exact, we will be in Ithaca. How F'ing sweet is that?! (Well, you'll be there a week earlier, but you suck) It is weird (yes indefinite pronoun without an antecedant) the little things that keep reminding me of college. Watched Harold and Kumar go to White Castle just now, and Kumar (hehe, Kumar. I'm going miss that little guy (okay, not really)) asks (while looking fruitlessly around Princeton for weed), "What kind of Ivy league school is this?" I defintely need to watch RoadTrip soon. Speaking of roadtrips, I'm kinda glad I didn't go to the beach today. Because I didn't, I got to work for 12 straight hours. It was a hollywood video marathon. the only thing that made it tolearable was all the free soda I could drink. You see, we (well, actually me, in pursuit of free soda, being the mexican cheap bastard that I am) Found a poopload of soda that reached its expiration date months ago. Clearly unfit for the palates of our fine guests at Hollywood, we were forced to throw it away. By throwing it away, I mean that employees can drink as much of it as they want. Which I did. Which explains why I am now writing blogs posts at 2:30 in the morning while watching Hero, which is a pretty sweet movie, btw. I am really not following it since I am writing this post, but these two chinese guys are kicking the crap out of each other with shiny swords. Shiny things kick ass. I can see why Quentin Tarantion spent so much bringing this movie over. Speaking of things Asian, (weird, with Harold and Kumar and Hero, that's two Asian movies in one night) That new Miyazaki movie, Howl's Moving Castle is out. Who wants to see it? I might actually pay money for it. Okay, no, I won't. Hey, you know those free movie passes we got at graduation? Oh yeah, I need to see Batman and the Longest yard, too. Hey, lets buy tickets to see one movie, and then theater hop? Who's game? Anyway, I'm still hyper from way,way too much Code Red Mountain Dew. nectar of the gods, I swear to, well, the gods. (In case you didn't know, I am now a pagan. This what I get for not continuing my Catholic education like some people I know. Okay, wow, its like all of you. Lessie, its me, Ken, Nancy, Devon, Karo, Cory (but he's Catholic enough already), Scott (but Boston is pretty Catholic anyway, so its not like he is really non-Catholic) , .... , .... , and that's pretty much it so like 5 of us. Weird. Anyway, its late, and I've rambled enough as it is. Now to get back to these two hot Chinese chicks slash at each other with their swords.

              PS Yes deadbeat dads

              PPS Misha, My "package" is ready for you. Just call me when you want me to give it to you. I'm guessing it'll be in your bedroom, but really, its up to you.

              Sunday, June 19, 2005

              Father's Day

              This Father's Day, my dad, without any complaint, accompanied me as I went around town trying to find a decent pair of sandals. [I finally found some, but I'm pretty sure they're the exact same ones Ken has.] Anyway, I am constantly in awe of how much he has sacrificed over the years. This sandal thing of course being the least among many much larger things. He's more of a man than I'll ever be. On that note, I'd like to salute all the fathers on this blog. You guys are awesome. I, though I am not biologically a father, feel like I am for eight hours a day. And it's tough. All the catering to infantile demands and none of the wife sex. Naturally, I was kinda bummed I didn't receive a tie today. Oh well. When my harem plan kicks into gear, I'll have more ties than Southeast Asia. That was a pun, because they make ties in sweatshops there, and Southeast Asia is also home to Thailand, native land of the Thais. Funny huh? Yep, I'm a funny guy. Also, speaking of fathers, the father of this blog will be making a reappearance, if you catch my drift. Yes, our very own deadbeat dad is going to show up with some badly needed child support. Cross your fingers that he'll be here to stay.

              post script
              Was that mysterious enough?

              post post script
              Probably not. Note to self: Be more mysterious.

              Saturday, June 18, 2005

              Greetings from "Darth Tater"

              Okay this has nothing to do with star wars except for that I just went and saw it again with my sister only a few munites ago, and now I am at the libraray using valuable time that I could be preparing for my Spanish test. To catch you up on my boring life;

              1) DID ANYONE PICK UP MY GLASSES AT THE PARK AFTER THE KICKBALL GAME!!! because if you did I would really like them back, they are very flimsy and they say "Ray-Ban" in one of the upper corners, thanks. (Oh and please like call me because I don't have internet)

              2) I'm going to the University of Portland, my first semester I am takeing A) Modern Western History and Culture, B) Theology-world religions, C) Spanish 201, (I have to take a test to prove that I am worthy), D) English, E) and Introduction to Thearter

              3) I will be working for my Aunt who has three autistic children as soon as I turn 18 on June 28th, and will continue throughout the school year.

              4) Star Trek was cancelled, old news, but I am still sore about it

              5) I have found my new calling, the priesthood (Thanks Misha) I will be going to the Western Seminary in Tacoma following my four years at UP

              6) We are painting our bathroom pink

              7) My dog is getting old and is blind and is loosing control of her "bodily functions" It woun't be too long unfortunatly, I think I'm gonna go cry now.

              Friday, June 17, 2005


              Jim Cantore is talking about the severe thunderstorm warning currently in effect on the Weather Channel right now! Yeah, that's right, Jim Cantore. Weather Channel Badass. Oh man this is gonna be fun.

              PS I have a job now so I might be allowed on the internet a little now and then. Like now. Yay!

              Damn that was a lame storm. LAME! MOTHER NATURE BLOWS.

              Batman Begins

              I’ve seen “Batman Begins” twice now. I could have reviewed it the first time out, as my reaction has remained the same, but I felt it deserved a second viewing (and many more to follow). It’s a very, very good film…let nothing I say tell you otherwise. But it is not without its problems (and I’ve been hearing a lotta view on this movie, so I would be thrilled to discuss it here or elsewhere). Oh, and this’ll be long, but hang with me.

              First, the good.

              The Bruce Wayne character they lay out in this film is just fantastic. As the years have gone on for Batman, he’s grown more and more sure of himself at every turn, to the point at times where he doesn’t have those human flaws that are the draw of the character in the first place. But this is Bruce at his start, and he doesn’t always make the right decisions. What I liked most about this portrayal is the three sides it represented of Bruce. There is, of course, the real Bruce, a confused man trying to live up to his parents’ name, not just for himself but for the larger community. Strangely enough, this is a version rarely portrayed in the comics (Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale’s work on The Long Halloween and Dark Victory are the only ones that really come to mind). Then there’s the playboy Bruce, which I was thrilled they included because, as with the movie, these were the really fun moments in the comics. And then there’s Batman. What they really nailed here is that Batman isn’t just a mysterious part of the criminal world; he’s SCARY. I love the whole scene at the docks, because it plays more like a horror movie than a superhero one, but especially that shot of that guy just staring straight upward, the camera cuts, and Batman drops down.

              Christian Bale. Long been the man. I’m not gonna pretend I was for this guy for years, because I hadn’t seen any of his work when I heard he was cast as Batman back in…I think it was 2003, maybe early ’04. But I’ve been scooping up his work since then, in such films as “American Psycho,” “The Machinist,” and (the most popular among ya’ll) “Equilibrium.” But I say with no hesitancy that “Batman Begins” is Bale’s defining role, not just because this will launch him into much-deserved stardom, but because it is. Bale is known for getting lost in roles (“The Machinist” probably being the most extreme example), and he certainly achieves that here. All three aspects of Bruce are played deftly. It certainly helps that Bale looks more like Bruce Wayne than any former actor to portray him, but that doesn’t nearly cover it, especially in the case of Batman.

              The Batman: A force of nature that Bale leaps aboard and tackles (years from now, I will routinely chapter-select to the scene in which Batman has Flass dangling from a fire escape). That voice…for years, Kevin Conroy’s work on Batman: The Animated Series WAS the way Batman sounded…all others were jokes. But Bale creates a creature with that voice.

              I could write this entire thing about Bale, but I’ll leave it at that, which is probably more than enough. The supporting cast lives up to their title. Bale is surrounded with so many incredible actors, many of whom have had years more experience than he and have given some of the defining performances of cinematic history. But you wouldn’t necessarily know that just watching them. All of them keep their role contained, never once showing off. It isn’t about them. It’s about supporting. Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, and Liam Neeson demonstrate my point exactly (I had a whole thing about them, but it got long). Cillian Murphy’s more of a newcomer (his only previous film of note being “28 Days Later”), but he is absolutely fascinating. I’ll be keeping an eye on this guy. Gary Oldman is a guy I could have never thought would do such a grounded performance of Gordon, but he nails it.

              Now, for the problems, which I have a feeling will be less and less a problem for me as time goes on. First, Gordon was introduced wonderfully and had some awesome moments, but in the third act he’s relegated to being merely Batman’s sidekick. Now, this might seem small, but regretfully I’m a bit biased here; Jim Gordon is my favorite character in the Batman mythos. And to me, his role in the third act (really the final battle) felt more like the filmmakers realized they didn’t have a Robin to drive the Batmobile. Another character slighted by the third act is Jonathon Crane, who goes out of the picture far too easily for as well as he’d been built up.

              The next problem is Katie Holmes. And this isn’t so much her fault (though, being surrounded by some of the best actors alive, she delivers the weakest performance of the main cast) as it is the Warner Brothers mandate, who told the director Christopher Nolan outright that there must by a love interest. That said, Nolan and co-screenwriter David S. Goyer could have developed her character better, or at least searched for a more refined actress to could take the part to the level it needed to be, instead of screaming (at least to me) “female demographic” every time she came onscreen.

              But these are small nitpicks which thankfully did not detract terribly from this being a fantastic picture.

              Finally, I have to mention Christopher Nolan. When Warner Bros. announced Nolan would be developing this project, I nearly exploded before reminding myself he’d probably just be the latest in the long line of talent to be attached but never get the cameras rolling. “Memento” has defined much of the way I watch movies, and still ranks as one of my favorites, and “Insomnia” was not a meager film either, certainly one of the best of its year (and remembering that it came out back in 2002, the best year for film since 1999, is some sign). But the fact that he went from those to this $180-million, star-studded event of the summer is unbelievable, and this deserves his place among the rest of his work. I thought about praising certain scenes, but I guess the praise really lies in that he delivered what apparently no one (not even the animated series) could…a Batman adaptation that’s dramatic, witty, action-packed, and most important of all: SCARY.

              Despite its flaws, this is a great film. Not just a great Batman film, or comic book film (though it will go down with “Superman: The Movie,” “X-Men 2,” and “Spider-Man 2” as a classic of the genre). A great FILM. Until I saw “Oldboy” this evening, I threw it up as best of the year as of now (and it’s turning out to be an absolutely stunning year for film). But Nolan, Bale, and company deserve every seat that’s taken in every theater it shows in, and the ones that aren’t, from the midnight release all the way ‘til its last week.

              Tuesday, June 14, 2005

              San Diego: An Analysis of Downtown

              So, I have been on leave in San Diego for the past few days. My journey began in Portland Airport, where I realized I only brought two out of the three books I wanted to bring. This was disheartening, but I started reading Tricky Business by Dave Barry regardless. As much as I want to elaborate, that's enough.

              So, first day I got acquainted with downtown San Diego. It was neither hot nor particularly sunny. Being right next to a harbor gives the city some marine weather, which kind of sent away the stereotypical relentless sunshine. The whole reason I was down there was due to my dad going to this diabetes convention, so I didn't see a whole bunch of him. With him at the convention and my mom and bro back in Portland until Saturday, I had the day to go on an excursion.

              Being me, I didn't really do that. I walked around a bit, noting the newspaper dispensing machines with issues like "Personal Dancer" and "XXX-press." I explained to my brother later on that this was a city that wore its vices on its sleeve and believed in moral relativity, i.e, much less scummy to be seen buying a smut periodical than to be seen shooting somebody in the one-way alley-like streets of Little Italy. Ah, relativism.

              We didnt' spend a lot of time just hanging out downtown, so I didn't get to scope out the population. Contrary to Ben's prediction, I did not meet a single babe. The area of San Diego I was in was relatively babeless. That, and I wasn't really on the lookout. I was too busy observing that I suck at getting tans.

              The trip quickly wound down as my brother acquired a fever while observing animals at the San Diego Zoo. The trip started out fun, but degenerated as his illness became apparent.

              This trip, while it taught me loads in terms of attractiveness demographics, moral relativism, and dermatology, also confirmed my belief that i truly, truly loathe airlines. I could have tolerated the half-hour delay. It was no big thing. But then the captain comes on after we're all loaded in and buckled and says, "Folks, the reason we're not moving is because the San Diego Airport has changed its usual traffic pattern. As a result, there are several jets waiting for access to the runway, and we are unable to back out of the gate." Well, fuck.

              When we're finally able to get in line for the runway, I see about 6 planes ahead of us. While this is no 4-hour layover like what Ken experienced on his way back to Portland, it sure put me in an irate, hateful mood. Only toward airplanes, though, don't worry.

              Although being away from close human contact certainly makes me worried about my social interaction. If I act at any point like I've been raised by wolves or other uncouth animals in the wild, I apologize.

              That's about all I have to say. Aside from the fact that man, Portland is so amazingly gorgeously green when you're arriving from someplace like San Diego or pretty much anyplace that isn't the western part of the Pacific Northwest.

              Monday, June 13, 2005

              A Note From Your Blogging Administrator

              Ha, that got your attention, right, right? Its been over two weeks for me, which is some kind of record. I mean for blogging. The bet is still going strong. And just to remind the fellas, if you're out, tell Colonel ASAP. No Puett-style mentioning it two months afterwards. And by the way, I'm playing for charity, if that makes it any easier for you guys to let me win. Like I was telling Shakeer, I feel like a celebrity. On the most poorly conceived game-show ever. I keep meaning to post, but you all have been doing such a great job contributing I don't want to dilute it. I figured I'd just stick this in here in the lull before Scott reviews Batman, which we are seeing Wednesday morning at 12:01. I'm pretty sure you can show up Tuesday night and get tickets, provided you aren't too late. Should be excellent. Anyway, keep up the effort, its all been very interesting. And remember, whatever stupid guidelines for posting were haphazardly assembled before have been thrown out the window. That was stupid.

              Continuing, I will be working from 8-5 at the daycare every weekday. I'll try to get that voice messaging set up. [Anybody else who's working, if you would comment your hours, that'd be cool. We'll know when it is okay to whisk you off to the beach or at least Gabriel Park.] I am also seriously in the process of cleaning my junkpile of a basement. (I know, John, I promised Spring Break. It'll be done by Christmas break, I swear. At least it's the same calendar year. It'll be the coolest hangout since Greenwich Village, which still exists but sucks now.)

              I don't know about you guys, but I'm handling graduation pretty well. I've seen you guys a fair amount, and that was really the only part I was going to miss anyway. Pomp and cirumstance is right. That stuff meant nothing to me. And man, I would have so much rather gone on another Pilgrimmage than that party. Not that I'm ungrateful. Well, actually, to be honest, I probably am. It would have been a way more meaningful way to end to year and with the money we would have saved everybody could have gotten an iPod mini. Well, almost. Or, shock, we could have either not collected it or given it away had we collected it. Anyway, that's just me. It was probably worth it to see Ken be even more shameless than I had priorly witnessed, along with seeing Shakeer emerge from the water in the lotus position. That hypnotism is crap though. If he could have gotten Pat, Cory, or Ian, to do a Nelly impersonation, I would have been impressed. Anyway, I've had some stuff to say over the past 2+ weeks, but I've forgotten most of it. Which is probably good luck for you guys.

              post script
              I'm now on AIM at about 10:00 everynight if you want to talk about life or our mutual lack thereof. Keep in touch. Which is something I should probably not say to the children at daycare.

              Saturday, June 11, 2005

              June 28, 2005

              Was supposed to be the day I served jury duty.

              Now it is the day I appear in court.

              So I was traveling down denney when I see Meghan O'loughlin and I'm like "wow what are the odds?!?" and I got distracted, causing me to run a barely yellow light (meaning it was almost red). So this lady in a truck making a left turn nails me and we go slamming into the guardrail above 217.

              So now I have a ticket for 416 dollars, one car that barely runs to be split between my parents (because I won't be driving for a very, VERY long time) and a splitting headache complete with shooting pains in my neck.

              So that car I was supposed to get this weekend.....that won't be happening.

              Friday, June 10, 2005

              What a great idea Katie!

              Context: Kenneth's National Court of Honor

              A Haiku in 5-7-5
              Hello Nancy Tsang.
              She is not an eagle scout.
              When are the desserts?

              A Reply
              I don't know Katie,
              Probably not very soon
              This all is touching

              I don't cry that much
              Unlike Rachel Finn's mother
              My stomach's pissy

              I don't think it is
              a good sign that your stomach
              is urinating.

              Laughing may be rude
              So I shall explain myself
              Stomach is ANGRY

              Wow, you're good at this
              You sure churn these out quick like
              I wish I were you.

              Haiku's are asian
              Just like this chick Nancy Tsang.
              Let's go eat fried rice.

              I wish you were me.
              It would not be too awkward,
              just one more Katie.

              Nancy: (flipping to the next page of the eagle scout pamphlet)
              We ran out of space.
              And haikus are Japanese.
              I am not a Jap.

              Japanese, Chinese
              What's the difference, all asian
              Silly squinty eyes.

              That's not very nice.
              There is a big difference.
              Japs are really short.

              Hey, it's all okay.
              All caucasians look the same.
              I am white as snow.

              Or like chicken skin
              So says my Chinese mother.
              So take that beyotch.

              Plus, caucasians are
              in actuality asians,
              except they are cocks.

              I suppose that you
              can talk about cocks as a

              But still you know I
              will follow Nancy-ism
              'Til the day I die.

              Damn straight you'll follow
              otherwise I will smite your
              husband and children.

              I have no husband.
              I'm no Amanda Armstrong.
              Lack procreation

              Look: five syllables,
              seven syllables and then
              five more, yay, haiku!

              But you will one day
              then you will have many kids
              for me to smite, hah!

              Katie is real cool
              Nancy is kinda cool too
              Misha is coolest!!

              Misha's a prophet.
              She speaks such truth, amazing.
              I FUCKING NEED FOOD.

              ha I laugh at you

              You are a fake asian
              To write a shitty haiku
              But I forgive you

              Don't you remember?
              Haikus are Japanese not
              Chinese, poopy butt

              Don't YOU remember?
              All asians squint equally
              Say, "Hello Kitty"

              I am very stumped
              I wanted to say "No, I
              refuse" but couldn't

              I'm haiku Bad-Ass
              This is bad for Ken's ego

              Wow, it's getting late
              Why is Ken os popular?
              Getting annoying

              Boy Scouts is creepy
              This is the one time man in
              uniform...not hot

              Ooh snap, cut and burn
              They do look kind of dorky
              But think positive.

              That tan and olive
              Reminds me of the nature
              which calls...oh bladder

              Should've gone before
              Like me because I am smart.
              Mine is empty, hah.

              I am SO HUNGRY
              Ken, talk faster now, come on
              Desserts need me now

              Yes, because he can
              Hear a haiku, wow Katie
              I thought you were smart

              Hell yeah I am smart.
              Ken with a gun, oh dear God
              He's a weepy boy

              All things shall perish from under the alone shall live, never shall die.

              (about the title, we sang that song in elementary school, except it was translated into German for some reason...oh public school)

              I got a $30 iTunes gift card for graduation from a girl on my swim team.

              While I don't have an iPod (yet), my brother and sister do, and so I have iTunes on all of my computers (meaning I can still download the songs).

              That's 30 free songs.

              I need suggestions.


              Buffer oops

              The drive over to Ken's was quite entertaining. Nancy and Magda decided to speak in their native languages and hit me with objects as we flew along the highway at breakneck speed. Let it be known that Rachel can motor... I think we hit 85 at one point, but Ian can probably correct me there.

              I still want to know why Nancy had chopsticks in her purse and what she was saying as she pummled me with them. Oh, and Ben and Katie: when we passed you on the bridge, I was trying to yell "IT'S A MAD HOUSE! A MAD HOUSE!" at you, but I think the wind carried away my words. Because it certianly was a mad house.

              Best car ride... ever. Aside from the Nebraska car rides, which were epic. Ooooh languages.

              Ha, buffers.

              Well Ben, here ya go. Just to add to the buffers that are already in place, I’ll add my two cents of bufferness. Well, Scott's was fun, did some stuff, left, and then went to ken's honor ceremony. Ya know, today was just a horrible day to drive. First I get lost going to Scotts. I mean its bad enough I take an early exit into downtown but then drive straight past martin (the street he lives on) and drive for about 10 min until I figure out that because I got off early I was approaching from the wrong direction rendering mapquest useless. THEN to top things off I followed Cynda and Audrey (yes I know its wrong, someone please correct me but I’m too lazy to go look up the spelling plus it adds to this buffer in content) to Ken's place and they pass the street that the church is down TWICE. I saw it the first time but figured that I must be wrong and that they knew what they were doing. Well, that’s the last time I’m jumping on that bandwagon. So in any case, Ken's deal was fun, got some ice cream, found out Ben K was a eagle scout for the 4th time (I keep forgetting) and got to see little Ken get a pin for his valiant efforts. I hope I didn't get you in to much trouble Ken, but I just can't keep my mouth shut I guess. At least I didn't talk about your driving habits when you drove me home...
              Well, I’m buffered out Ben, sorry I couldn't do better but hey, there it is.

              And Scott, I forgot the Hellboy comics again.

              And I still like the Amendment idea for those who know what I’m talking about.

              Thursday, June 09, 2005

              Oh and...

              These are cute too!!

              Don't worry it only looks like Pat is grabbing Rachel's chest....I think....
              Image Hosted by

              The man of the night, trying to look scoutly?

              Image Hosted by

              Oh and Rachel again!! So happy!

              Image Hosted by

              Ben and Mike. Awww so cute!!

              Image Hosted by

              More Pics. Just click the link. It takes a while to upload all 245 of them so you have to be patient. They're under Scott's/Ken's.

              Ian There's always a bright side!!

              So at Scott's today we were all doing little benny's hair, putting ribbons in and such. At the same time Ian was sitting not ten feet away with no girls around him and made sure that this was documented by Doug:

              Image Hosted by

              Anyway, now for the bright side. While Ben may have had our attention for a minute second Ian got to ride home from Ken's Eagle Scout Honor thingy with a car full of girls!!!

              Image Hosted by

              Don't worry Ian; I bet Ben's way jealous!!!


              Unfortunately our kite would not fly at Reed College this evening.

              However, prior to our venture onto the Reed campus there was much drinking of soda at Scott's house and pining for spaghetti. And also many sexual come-ons from Ben regarding his sleeping bag and that station wagon. Then the spaghetti came, and we were all happy.

              Then we went to Kenny's Court of Honor where we all learned what it means to be a boy scout. And we all got confused by the left hand-handshake. And my mother cried. And I don't even think Ken's mother You know, if I was just a little thriftier I too, could be an Eagle Scout; but no I got that double X chromosone thing going on as well.

              I'm sorry, Ben, I'm all posted out.

              My Summer / Future / Norm MacDonald quote mixed with comic strip joke

              The Chronicles of Narnia rock. I read Book 1 Monday, Book 2 Tuesday, Book 3 Wednesday, and Book 4 today. 3 more to go. I'm beginning to see some coincidences between the Lion and Jesus.... I'm also going to read CS Lewis's Space Trilogy, a giant autobiography of Billy Graham, and probably a biography of George Bush. I'll learn how they did it while formulating my quest for power....

              I found the Society of Christian Engineers on the list of student interest groups for OSU. The projects they have going on in the third world are even better than shoe boxes. Man am I excited to be an engineer.

              If engineering pays well enough I'll amass enough of a fortune to run for governor of Texas, and then on to bigger things.... I figure eventually I'll balance the ticket by bringing in the NW as the VP candidate. My campaign will go quite well because I'll subtly fill my speeches will Bible verses that only evangelicals will recognize, and they'll be the only kind of Christian with a sizable population in America in 2042. It will be a winning ticket because there will be some up-and-coming third party ranting about justice who will take away votes from the liberal party. Sorry Ben, but I know it couldn't go worse for you if this plan of mine succeeds. And then four or eight years later, I'll aim at the White House for me-self. Eventually I'll be shot down, for I plan to anger all lobbyists, Palestinians, civil rights organizations, and all people who are involved in the tobacco industry as well as the alcohol industry. However, I'll be wearing a bullet proof vest so when the lone gun man shoots me in the chest, I'll retort, "You can't kill me." By then the secret service will be on top of him.

              "My boss got mad at me for going beyond my authority,
              so I told him he's fired.
              It didn't work though. I lost my job.
              It was over some silly disagreement.
              You see, I wanted to keep my job.
              They, on the other hand,
              didn't see eye to eye with me there,
              and we couldn't come to a compromise."

              Tuesday, June 07, 2005


              Guys, as soon as you get your new school e-mails, sign up for All the cool kids are doing it. Plus, then I can OFFICIALLY be friends with you. (It involves finding your name, inviting you to be my friend, and then you clicking on "yes, this guy is my friend.") If you're already on thefacebook, comment here... or put your high school as "Jesuit Crusaders 05" so I can find you there.

              #62 is "Join The Mile High Club"

              Last night, I was lying in bed, and after deciding that my internal clock was still off from Grad night and I was no longer physically capable of sleeping at night (only during the day), I started eating some of the bag of Jelly Bellys in my room and realized that eating jelly beans in the dark is a metaphor for life.

              I could explain exactly how, but I figure you all
              1. are smart enough to form your own conclusion about that (you all are, after all, high school graduates) and
              2. don't really give a shit about metaphors right now anyway (you all are, after all, high school graduates)

              Instead, I will use my random anecdote to transition into my next topic: grad presents are pretty sweet (I got the jelly beans as a present from a family friend, there's the connection).

              I'm just now opening the presents from my open house, and am having fun categorizing the gifts: people who don't have time to shop and give cash or write a check, people who decide they should get me something but making sure it's something they know I'll use (so many Starbucks cards... yesssss), people who are sentimental and pick out the coordinating card and bag and tissue paper...but hey, all are appreciated.

              I have gift certificates up the wazoo, everything from an iTunes gift card to Coldstone.

              So go ahead, comment on what you got...brag, complain, or if you got something wierd, definitely share.

              I feel so gifted.

              p.s. Haven't opened parental gifts yet...those will be the big ones, the exciting ones...stay tuned.
              p.p.s. I got a great book called "101 Things to Do Before You Die"...if this blog gets too slow, I will post all 101. Consider yourself warned.
              p.p.p.s. I just realized I used "you all" a couple times in that post...when I come back from a year in the South, I wonder if I'll say "y'all"...

              Sunday, June 05, 2005

              Starlight Parade

              So, I went to the starlight parade last night. It was pretty fun. On the MAX ride downtown, Ken and I sat next to some kids from Southridge and Hillsboro. One of the Hillsboro kids started talking about how a friend of his ran around naked and he had a small, uncircumcised dick. It was a little awkward. Anyway, when we got there Ken once again showed how whipped he is and bought a couple of balloons. Then he had the nerve to say that a kiss obviously blown to Ben was in fact his. It was definitely meant for Ben. Uh, I might be forgetting something, but whatever.

              Friday, June 03, 2005

              Wilson Kids....

              So we were talkig about all the partying that went on last night and how the cops apparently broke up a Jesuit party(ies?)....oh we as in Scott, A and I....and then one of them (can't remember who) mentioned that the cops alos broke up a Wilson party. Oh but wait for's the good part...rather than just barging in and breaking it up the police just had all their cars towed, which meant a) they couldn't drink and drive, b) they couldn't just drive away to another party and c) they had to pay to get their cars back!! We thought this was genious on the cops part so props to the cops!!!

              Oh and today was cool, lots of firsts. First time scoring a run, oh wait but I actually scored two!!! And the first time I ever bowled a strike oh and a spare, in the tenth frame!!!

              Oh and as always there are pictures from the days events uploaded!!!

              PS I just figured out why the other team was called pen15 club. It took me until now to realize.....I feel so smart!!


              You guys rocked my world. Thanks for the past four years. Here's to summer and the rest of our lives.

              *Snicker* Deep Throat

              In politics recently, the man who let out the Watergate scandal, known only as Deep Throat (or, as many articles seem to say, simply Deep to his friends) was revealed as then-top-level FBI man Mark Felt. Being the fan of 70s culture that I am, when someone in History first mentioned that Deep Throat had been revealed, I thought he was speaking for the porn film by the same name. Which lead me to wonder what they were hiding. It's porn for godssake, it's there so people can see it all.

              Thankfully, I sat quietly and figured it out on my own rather than asking.

              Wednesday, June 01, 2005

              As it's our last day...

              I thought it would be a nice idea to have a post as a tribute to our senior year!!

              Comment about the good, the bad, the funny, the bizarre, the disturbing, whatever you want!!

              I'd get you all started by posting something, but I have feeling by doing that I'd actually deter you from commenting because it would be so bad!!

              As a side not I would just like to say I had my mom take a couple of pictures of me in the back yard, took them to fredy's and now have senior photos to pass out!! Wanna know the best part?!?! It cost me ten dollars!!

              Ok so time for nostalgia and go.....