Monday, May 31, 2010

Pat/Barney's Baby Rules

1. You promise to always love me more than the baby.

2. Once a month I get to use the baby to pick up chicks.

3. That may involve the baby falling from a two story window and me heroically catching it.

4. No breastfeeding in front of me.

5. Forget about 4, it’s cool.

10. It’s middle name must be Barney (Patrick. or Eugene).

17. If I’m hungry you have to feed me first.

25. Never ask me to babysit.

25a. All babysitters you use must be female, hot, and of age.

32. As tempting as it might be, you’re forbidden from using a 19th century president’s last name as the baby’s first name.

34. You cannot use it as an excuse to not do something cool with me.

38. You can only talk about the baby 3% of time.

39. For every picture you show me of the baby I get to show you a picture of me having sex.

42. When it’s of age, I get to have the “sex talk” with it.

45. The baby must wear a suit once a week.

46. The baby must call me dad.

50. I get to take it trick or treating if I want.

50a. While trick or treating, the baby must dress as a lil’ version of what I’m dressed as.

59. It has to like me more than Ted (Doug).

62. Me, Ted (Doug), and Marshall (Ian) get to re-enact the movie, “Three Men and a Baby” for a weekend.

65. You must introduce me to hot single moms.

66. If it ever has a hot teacher, I get to bring it to parent teacher conferences.

69. Sixty nine. Always funny.

72. I get to bring it to look at colleges.

76. If it throws up on me, you owe me $1,000.

83. … and if all 5 circumstances involving the baby and the strip club should come to pass, I take no responsibility for any of it, because it is your fault for having the baby in the first place.

ps
i know you won't believe me but i don't actually read this thing. er, on a regular basis. i do however own The Bro Code and for that i will make no apologies

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Exciting news!

Ian and I are expecting a baby on December 23! Just had the ultrasound today and everything looks perfect!!

Sunday, May 02, 2010

I Survived the Great Nashville Flood of 2010



Wait till 1:22. I was driving down this road literally an hour before this happened. I must have just missed the flooding. Crazy. I've never seen so much rain in my life. And as an Oregonian, that's saying something. Something like 7 people died. I ended up having to stay the night in Nashville, as I-24 is the road that goes between here and there. The entire city was shut down. Worst weekend destination decision ever. (Except maybe that time Cynda, Magda and I decided to drive to Santa Clara and back without sleeping for two nights.)