GRINDHOUSE Double Feature - PLANET TERROR and DEATH PROOF

Movie theater prices getting you down? Hard to justify $8-$10 for a weekend night movie? Plus soda, parking, transportation, whatever else? Here are two movies that will absolutely one-hundred percent give you your money’s worth and then some. On their own, they’d still deliver the bang for your buck, but together? A steal.

I should advise you that no one anywhere is really prepared for these movies. The first one is the single goriest (hey, it IS a word) movie I’ve ever seen, ever, and the second is…honestly, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen, and if you think the first will in any way prepare you for the second, you’re wrong.

A brief history lesson. In the 1960s, 70s, and 80s, there was a rise in low-budget films that came out that didn’t have the star power or budgets to attract viewers, so instead they used mass amounts of violence and sex to draw audiences in. These movies would travel around the country and be shown in crap-ass theaters popularly known as Grindhouses. In the process of their travels, the movies would get beat to all hell, frames would end up missing (usually due to projectionists cutting out the best violence and sex and putting together their own reel), and before long entire reels would be just be gone.

This double-feature is Robert Rodriguez (From Dusk 'Till Dawn, Desperado, Sin City) and Quentin Tarantino’s (Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill) attempt to make something in that genre. And while they deliver on the feel of those old movies, neither really fit the mold. But that might just be because they actually had a budget.

Planet Terror, Rodriguez’s contribution, is silly in all the ways that made the second half of Dusk 'Till Dawn so great, and at times it sort of abandons the concept and turns into a sort of parody of the genre it’s trying to fit into. But it’s entertaining as hell, surprisingly tense, and the true test for stomach power (I’m not a squeamish man at the movies, but there were one or two moments that tested that). But there’s a great ensemble here, with Freddy Rodriguez (who I know best as Carla’s brother on Scrubs) and Rose McGowan taking point, and rather well. Rodriguez (Freddy) in particular surprised me; it’s a very physical role, and he kicks all kinds of ass. A series of geek-cred actors show up throughout the film (and Bruce Willis!) and they’re all completely great. The action is insane, the blood and guts aplenty, and the acting just on the edge of shitty and kick-ass.

Death Proof is a whole ‘nother story, and if I must compare the two (screw that, you’re kinda forced into it), I liked it a LOT more. After Planet Terror, the promise of “a slasher flick with a car instead of a knife” would lead one to think it’d all be Kurt Russell driving around running people over. But instead, Tarantino delivers an honest-to-goodness movie. There’s not nearly as MUCH action as Planet Terror, but when the action starts up, it’s ten times as tense and awesome as anything in Terror. Kurt Russell is just insane as Stuntman Mike, the slasher, and everyone in the cast (who, aside from the always-hot-and-awesome Rosario Dawson, even I’ve never heard of) is pretty great. Well, sort of. I mean, none of the women (besides Mike, all of the main characters are women) really handle Tarantino’s dialogue as well as we’ve been accustomed to (Russell is VERY good, but there’s no performance that you could point to as comparison to Sam Jackson, John Travolta, Michael Madsen, Uma Thurman, David Carradine, or any of those other’s performances of Tarantino past), but they’re alive and exciting enough to watch, even though a lot of this movie is just girls sitting around talking. A LOT. But like I said, when that action hits, it HITS, and if you’re onboard with me in thinking Kill Bill was a sign that Tarantino can actually direct the hell out of an action scene, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

The movie also has an amazing soundtrack, probably the best he’s thrown together since Pulp Fiction, and I cannot stop listening to a song called “Hold Tight” by Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich that comes at this amazing point at the movie (I can’t spoil it for you, but if you’re watching the movie and you find it “talky,” fear not for it WILL pay off).

And still, I’m more excited for the extended version of Death Proof than Planet Terror (there’s missing reels in both, but Death Proof feels like a LOT was cut from it besides just that, and the missing reel in Terror is one of the funniest parts). It’s not one of Tarantino’s best films (it might just be his worst, but that’s purely because all of his other work is so damn good). There are complaints, of course, about how self-indulgent it is, but Tarantino’s been self-indulgent practically since day one. Reservoir Dogs is still the tightest film he’s made, but as off-the-wall and self-obsessed as Kill Bill is, it’s still his best work. And Death Proof is sort of along those lines. The talky scenes go on for WAY too long, but by the time the action heats up, a) you don’t mind it, and b) it was all worth it in a way. And there’s a mention of Big Kahuna Burger than got a groan from the audience, but I dig that Tarantino’s created this little universe for his films to exist in when he so chooses (Jackie Brown being the only one that exists without).

Oh, and Death Proof has the best ending of any movie ever, ever, ever, EVER. It was so good I wanted to scream.

Still don’t think two 85-minute movies are worth your hard-earned cash? Before Planet Terror, there’s a fake trailer for a nonexistent movie called Machete that’s just hilarious. And in between the two films are three more fakes, directed by Rob Zombie (The Devil's Rejects), Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead), and Eli Roth (Hostel). Wright’s is the best overall, and got the biggest laughs of the whole shebang, but Roth’s has the most gut-wrenching moment of the whole three-hour affair, and there’s a shot at the very end that lasts maybe half a second that will have you asking everyone around you (even if they’re strangers) if you just saw what you saw.

Anyway, if you can stomach it, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better use for $10 (probably less for those of you who don’t live in Boston, NY, or LA). It’s ridiculously entertaining, and…well, gosh, that’s really about it. Gather your friends, and hold on tight.