All Roads Lead to Rome...

For some reason,, coach decided to separate the throwers by gender instead of by name like they always have before. We complained to Coach Rombach,, who told us that senior boys should ride with the girls since there were way more guys than chicks. Ben and I declared ourselves pimps. Anyway,, one this bus of buses,, Ben and I came up with a plan. But not any plan. THE plan. First,, we write a song and get some hopped-up band (I'd go with Offspring) to play it. This accomplishes two ends: 1. It raises some capital,, which is good,, because money is good,, especially for me,, who needs money and has very,, very little of it. 2. It connects us with proven visionaries. Not because the Offspring are artists,, but because they smoke pot. Lots of it. They undoubtedly either have,, or have designs for a time machine,, which we could build and implement for our own devious means. Our ultimate plan now takes effect. We use the time machine to travel to ancient Rome and pick up hot chicks in togas. There are several reasons that Roman chicks are better than anybody else in history. First,, Romans liked certain characteristics in their women (basically,, Romans were all gay,, and liked boyish women). This leaves a lot of women that we today would find attractive,, but since the Romans didn't,, they'd all have low self-esteems and flock to us. Also,, they don't speak English,, so we wouldn't have to listen to them talk about their feelings or anything. (Haha!) Armed with a time machine and hot Roman chicks,, Ben and I would turn our attention to math. We would become rich just by doing things like introducing Arabic or "Vincientine" numbers. Then we would introduce things such as Calculus and number theory,, centuries before posers like Euler,, Fibonacci,, and Riemann. We would kick ass. That is our plan,, and if Ben and I are suddenly missing,, know that we are in ancient Rome with our hot Mediterranean senoritas. Wow,, we are such nerds. We even have math in our fantasies.

PS: Sorry Alex,, but you deserve it.

PPS: Fuck You Cornell

Babysiting Adventures

How often do you go to your english teacher's house and babysit her kids? I had the wonderful experience of it last night. Mrs. Gray asked me if I would be willing to help my sister babysit because they were dumping five kids on her. I agreed, one because I felt obliged to give something back, and two I needed the gas money. So I go over there and find her little guy JJ being fed some good green slop, by Ryan Gray, his dad. And little Georga playing with another little boy named Johnny. They had matching "lambies" very cute I must say. So I thought, "cool" only three, and one is tiny, no problem." Then a forth little guy shows up, Max. And he has the coolest hair. Then Mrs. Gray (I will call her Mrs. Gray because you all know her by that) shows up with her other daughter Ruby. We end up playing some "memory" and "Dominos" then eating some great (Jesuit Colors) Green and yellow macaroni and chesse, and burritos. Then we go up stairs and Ruby wants to take my wallet, I say "You better not take that! I get in big trouble if I don't have that with me in the car." She saids "What will happen." I say, "If the Police ask for it and I dont have it I have to go to jail!" So her reply is, "Okay, you better keep it." Then as I am leaving she asks if I have my wallet. Don't get me started on the legos we built, sufficet to say, there was "poop" involved.

Has God answered my prayers?

The answer is, "officially no." However he's given me one small step toward them. As I was searching google for star trek legos, like the loser that I am, I came across a european site that has taken legos and blown them into the stratosphere! The result is a bridge and shuttle of the original Enterprise, that puts all my models to shame. I must say either he is a genius or too much time on his hands. Look for yourself, these sets are amazingly accurate! The best lego creations sense the dawn of mankind.

the Enterprise NCC-1701 Bridge:
http://baronsat.chez.tiscali.fr/baronshop/Space_Bridge/page_passerelle.html

The Enterprise's shuttle Copernicus:
http://baronsat.chez.tiscali.fr/baronshop/copernicus/page_navette.html

Frank Miller's Sin City

But first, a public service announcement. If you don’t care, skip ahead to the marked section below.

Sorry to all of those who got a little more than expected with this film. Had I been arranging this whole thing, I would’ve at least warned you in advance. This ain’t your traditional, Spider-Man comic book adaptation. It ain’t even X-Men or Hellboy. This is a whole new breed that I hope is here to stay.

That said, to those who HAVEN’T seen the film…this is probably the most violent film you’ll ever see, or at least the most violent of any you’ve seen to date. It ain’t just bullet holes, kids…read that R rating real close, then multiply.
The NY Times always does the best job of saying what all gives a given film its R rating, especially the ones they tend not to like as much. This from their review:
“The film contains a smorgasbord of stylized, generally unrealistic-looking violent acts, including a lot of dismemberment; there is also alcohol use, adult language, some hanky-panky and many women in various stages of undress.”
The Oregonian’s Movie Guide for Parents takes it the rest of the way:
“…this is an intensely violent, even sadistic film that objectifies women and glorifies gore…deal with a criminal who rapes and murders young girls; a well-connected murderer of prostitutes who (SPOILER BEEP!) his victims…The violence may be ultra-stylized and the blood whit, but it feels real. Heads and limbs and body parts are lopped off. Other mayhem features an electrocution, the whipping of a bound woman, skull smashings, characters shoved headfirst into toilets, a priest shot in a confessional, and a graphic suicide.”

If that kinda thing is cool with you, or if you really dig violent films (there’s nothing wrong with that…it’s just storytelling)

END PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Little less than a year ago, last July at the San Diego ComiCon, us fans got our first glimpse of this “Sin City” film adaptation we’d been hearing about. And the first of that was this big-ass red poster with Mickey Rourke as Marv walking, head bent down, face covered in bandages. It said in big, bold, comic-book type “MICKEY ROUKE is MARV” and had the accompanying title of Frank Miller’s Sin City, a logo done up just like the comic book. And most of us didn’t believe this was an actual studio poster. And yet it was. Then the footage was shown, including the scene that now opens the film. And it was all exactly like the comic book. EXACTLY. It was perfect.

Finally, here was a film adaptation that didn’t just love the source material. It WORSHIPPED it. Spider-Man got damn close. Hellboy got EVEN CLOSER. But this…this was a whole ’nother league of comic book adaptation.

And the finished product is nothing short of what we’ve been promised all this time. Absolutely, through and through, from the title to each glorious frame, this IS Frank Miller’s Sin City.

It’s impossible to capture that greatness of this film in words. First because it’s that good, but second because it’s such a visual piece of work, it must be seen to be believed. It’s this kind of storytelling you don’t get anymore about places that don’t exist and people that could have never lived. Like Harry Knowles of Ain’t It Cool News puts it, this is what movies were like before we wanted our boring-ass lives up there on the screen. This is dialogue that no one says but is just flat-out right.

My dad’s been saying for some time that there’s no MEN on the movie screen anymore. And in many ways, he’s right. Like I pointed out to him tonight after leaving the theater, you can’t totally say that anymore. Mickey Rourke’s Marv is the baddest of bad. You think Kill Bill's Bride is an antihero? Not even close to this. The stuff Marv does is pretty damn extreme, but given what he’s up against in the story, this ain’t no sicko. But he is one bad motherfucker. And Rourke plays it so beautifully. This rivals Ron Perlman’s Hellboy it’s that good. Even when Carla Gugino is walking around nearly entirely you nude, your eyes are on Mickey.

Marv’s story holds another standout performance in Elijah Woods’ Kevin, which is just fantastic. Think of the most evil character you’ve ever seen in a movie. This guy shatters that in the first glance you get at those eyes. This guy’s not just an exact match to the comic…he’s WAY scarier.

On that subject…Nick Stahl’s Yellow Bastard. Holy freaking shit.

The other "heroes"…Clive Owen is fantastic. Dwight’s always been close to my heart, but Owen just gives him this whole other dimension. Was a little worried about casting Owen as a tough guy, but he NAILS it. Bruce Willis, though never actually seeming as old as his character, is Hartigan through and through. Rosario Dawson…knew she could nail it, and she delivered. In a world filled with tough guys, here’s a woman who could just annihilate most of them. Benicio Del Toro was an inspired casting choice, and he went above and beyond what I expected.

But the real surprise performance…Jessica Alba. Nancy’s a fantastic character, but oddly enough Alba is PERFECT. Sure, she doesn’t strip down as the comic would demand, but she looks that part and she acts the part. I loathed her being cast in this film, and even more in Fantastic Four. Now she’s an actress to watch.

And, you know, for all the seemingly mindless violence, there is this underlying story in which good does win out in the ends, though the costs may be great. For all their bad qualities, Marv and Dwight and Hartigan do what they do to protect people, specifically women. They shove all hope aside to do the right thing.
There’s so much more I could say about this. This is easily director Robert Rodriguez’s (of the Spy Kids trilogy, Desperado, and Once Upon a Time in Mexico) finest work, and having Frank Miller on as co-director…his presence was felt every step of the way. These two have created what I thoroughly believe will be a huge note in cinematic history. Sky Captain introduced audiences (those who bothered to see the genius of that work) to the possibilities of this technology. Sin City implemented them in ways above and beyond that. Like I said…it must be seen to be believed. If Rodriguez and Miller don’t come back for the next set of Sin City yarns (I simply MUST see A Dame to Kill For), there will be a hole in film progression.

Green Eggs and Ham

So the thought occured to me the other day about Dr. Seuss' famed childrens book, Green Eggs and Ham, if the ham was green as well. If you read the book it says "green eggs and ham", never does it say, "green eggs and green ham", only "green eggs". Now this can be taken two ways; either the adjective "green" applies to both the eggs and the ham, or only the eggs. Now if you read the book you will notice that the ham is colored green. However the eggs are also white, which leads me to believe that the words and the pictures are in contrast, because if the pictures were strictly correct, the title would be "Green and White Eggs and Green Ham". And if the words were strictly correct, then the ham would not be colored green. So my question to you is this; "Is the ham in Green Eggs and Ham green?"

On a related topic, if you replace the words "eat them with "do it" the book is very dirty. Take some lines for example:

"Would you do it here?
Would you do it there?
Would you do it with a mouse?
Would you do it in a house?
Would you do it with a fox?
Would you do it in a box?
Would you do on a train?"
etc. etc. etc.

This brings up a clever question, "Would you do it with a fox or a mouse, in box or in a house?"

I know I would.