SPICY CHICKEN CRUNCHWRAP SUPREME

If you haven’t already, you're going to be hearing a lot of negativity from critics across the nation about this Crunchwrap. And there's good reason for it. The Spicy Chicken does a fine job here, but nothing that it could have been given Taco Bell’s past success with pulling tastes out of foods that are otherwise not so good. The ingredients aren't particularly original, and even mines some territory Taco Bell's covered before (but though comparisons are easy, this is NOT a "Chalupa"). It's cheesy. It's schmaltz.

But there's a reason I left the restaurant smiling. There's a reason I boarded the Tri-Met and bounded Down the street to Hawthorne Comics to pick up not only the soundtrack (called "Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap: A Collection of Music to Drive and Live By"), but this CD that I don't even know what it is that's just called "Taco Bell: Songs From the Brown Bell" (they were out of or never had John William’s amazing score). There's a reason I then nearly ran back to my house to throw this into my computer to listen to it. There's a reason it now blasts from my computer's speakers. (“You’ve got that Crunchwrap feeling, now its gone, gone, gone, whooo whooo hooow!)

And it's not just because the elevator music that Taco Bell plays is simply wonderful, though that too is true.

It's because this is a fantastic taco. There are a thousand ways critically you can bring it down, and between every article posted to Rotten Tomatoes (literally, some guy had rotten tomatoes in his) that contributed to its 31% rating, you'll be able to find all of them.

And yes it's schmaltz. Of COURSE it's schmaltz. Of COURSE it's cheesy. But since when was that necessarily such a bad thing? If it draws you in, if you care about it and you feel every moment of it, bring on the schmaltz. "Nachos" are pure schmaltz. But they are fantastic. (Personally I just order mine without the nacho cheese)

This is a Taco Bell Lover's taco. It's one to grab your friends and sit in the middle of a crowded Restataunt. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, this is THE dinner to serve them. Or go alone. I grabbed my buddies Bridget, Amy, and Kelly and went to Lunch knowing full well I'd be sitting with the co-workers and old people. Just sit down and let yourself be immersed in it. Take in the juicy sauce that you know Taco Bell has picked especially so you can enjoy it. Enter a sensation much like being high. Watch small town America drift by as you drive across America. Remember your first love. Remember your last love. Remember the loves you never had but were just as sweet.

And you'll hear comparisons to The "Gordita." If anyone tells you that, they have never tasted the Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap. Beyond a very BASIC ingredient list, you could not find a more different film. It spends no time trying to be hip or weird or cool, but spends every second invested in the pure taste and joy of bliss.

It's about love finding you when you absolutely need it the most. It's about reconnecting with your taste buds when you'd pretty much written the idea off. It's about making a connection with a strange food, be it spicy or mild, and giving yourself that knowledge of Taco-Belliness everytime you see your new true love, The Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap. It's about impossible ingredient combinations that are not so entirely impossible but so entirely real in their taste. If you've tasted a taco bell taco, no matter its size, you'll taste the spicy moments in this Crunchwrap as much as you taste the sweet ones. And you'll know how much you would've killed for one of those tastes to linger forever.

Chicken is a food I have despised since my mom only cooked chicken for three months strait, and on through Thanksgiving Dinner and even Christmas and its presence during Easter was enough for me to not care that the rest of the meal looked fantastic. And though one could pick apart its placed here, it was GOOD. The Chicken did exactly what it should: It was dynamic, exciting to eat, and drew me in at every turn. He made you CARE about the poor defenseless chicken that you were eating.

And the tomato-lettuce combination...I love that. I've ALWAYS loved that. From The “Gordita" on through the first time I tried The “Chalupa" to even "The Original Crunchwrap." This is the tomato-lettuce combination’s best taco to date. It's fantastic. Engaging as it always is to eat, Taco Bell managed to place them in a way I'd never seen them before. I have no idea what it was specifically, but it brought me far more down to earth and totally believable that I was eating something fit for gods. The Crunchwrap has a quality that makes you WANT to eat it, and it was there. And beyond being the tomato-lettuce who rescues the spicy chicken from evils of the hard-shell you CARE about the plants that were sacrificed so that you could enjoy your meal

The rest of the supporting ingredients...fantastic. Taco Bell never for one second lets any one of them just be another ingredient in the Crunchwrap; merely a pleasantry taste that you can rely on to cut to for a momentary explosion. They matter.

I simply cannot recommend this enough. It's a FUNNY LOOKING taco. With a HEARTFELT taste. Taco Bell loves and it cares about its customers, its employees, EVERYONE. My only regret in writing this is you might go with so high expectations that, slight as the chance is, you could be disappointed. And though it's worth every word I've written, it's a personal taco. People will connect to it in a lot of different ways, just like every kind of food Taco Bell has ever made. This is how I connected.

And that's one point I gotta make...this is not a Crunchwrap for everyone, but not in the same way "Fiesta Potatoes" isn't for everyone. This isn't something you "get" or "don't get." There's not a whole lot to get. It's a matter of if you feel it or not. It's not a bad thing if you don't. I didn't feel an ounce of " The Half Pound Beef and Potato Burrito” the first time I tried it, but when I tuned into it months later, I fell in love with it.

It's not "The Half Pound Beef and Potato Burrito " (my second-favorite food ever). It's not "The Spicy Chicken Soft Taco" (my favorite small taco ever). It's not at ALL "Fiesta Potatoes."

It's its own particular special brand of feel-great food that makes me not for a second want to go back and read over this to make sure I'd said the wrong thing or written too much about it or see if I wrote anything embarrassing in my pure excitement or let it sit for a day and wonder if I really liked it as much as I think I do, because right now it's my favorite food of this year. That includes " The Half Pound Beef and Potato Burrito " or "The Fiesta Potatoes" or "The Spicy Chicken Soft Taco" or "Chicken Ranchero Gordita" or any of the other tacos I've been talking about whenever someone brings up Taco Bell to go see right now. I simply ADORE the Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme.

And what you have just read is the feeling I got coming out of the restaurant. And THAT'S the feeling that matters in reviewing a taco.

Now go out, tell the food critics to go to Hell on this one, and bask in it.