The Basement Board Weekly

Background: The whiteboard in the basement of Varsity House has been an anti-JP board this year. JP is our President, so we've been plotting mutinies and making fun of him a lot. I wrote this article on the message board.

More background: Varsity House has a new high-tech toaster. You're supposed to press the waffle button when you're making waffles, and then they come out perfectly toasted. Also, fire trucks came to Varsity House on Monday because someone left the gas stove on and the fan was off. James is his roommate, who considered waking up Jon when the fire trucks got here, but Jon was asleep. One last tidbit is that Jon is a senior and his girlfriend is a freshman.

THE BASEMENT BOARD WEEKLY

NEWSFOCUS: Jon Powell's 11/14/05 Diary Entry (Uneditted)

Dear Diary,
I tride to wake up on time this morning. I normally turn off my alarm and fall back asleep. So last nite I put my alarm clock on the other side of the room, so that I'd half to get up and turn it off. It didn't work though. I ended up just dragging my bed over to the clock than turning it off and falling back asleep. That was the forth time I have mist my spelling class.
Today at brekfest I wanted to have some waffuls so I orderd some on the new toaster. Butt aparently, the "waffle" button wasn't working, so I decided to make a bananana. While I was cooking it, I notist a shiny red thing on the wall that sed, "Pull in case of fire." I saw that the gas stove was using fire. I thot that sumthing wasn't rite because it was suposed to be a gas stove, not a fire stove. So I tride to obey the red button butt I couldn't pull it off. But I think it broke cause part of it came down and than it started crying. So I ran away.
I was pretending to be asleep wen a bunch of red trucks showed up. I think they wer bringing me a lowder alarm clock cause it sure sounded like it. I thot I was in trubble because I mist class agin. So wen James came to my bed I pretended to be fast asleep, witch isn't really true, cause I am not a fast sleeper. It normally takes me from ten to twenty minits to fall sleep. Eksept for those times wen it takes longer. Than it is more like twenty to fourty minits. Butt if I am tired, it is more like five to ten minits.
I got to hang out with my girlfrend today. She smells really pritty. Maybe all young girls smell so good. My frends say I am robbing the cradle. Butt I think they just arn't vary smart because I no that I half not stolen any cradles. I like younger girls cause I am so much smarter then them.
Well, thanks for listening to me Mr. Diary. You are my best frend.

I love you,
Love,
Jon Powell.