We seem to be in a national predicament. One that warrants the upheaval of the traditional two party system in favor of three parties. May this third party be the party of the American people (with beer and strippers), in all of their apathetic glory. God Bless America. This country needs a leader who understands the will of the people. About half of the population voted in the last national election, and if all of the rest voted for a leader who was as apathetic as they were, the country would be in much better shape. But on to an issue of much more pressing concern: this year's election. The goal of the Apathy party is to make the decision much, much easier. I mean face it, Kerry is a douche bag (in the most literal sense), and Bush is a certified retard. Both candidates suck so much that the choice between them is impossible, like taking an AP test after studying for it for only two weeks, oh wait... It's like having to choose between sex and a rib dinner. Ribs with a side of onion rings, or french fries, or any thing that has been deep-fried to golden, fatty perfection, and doused in salt, like a good fried chicken from Popeye's, juicy and tender on the inside, crunchy and spicy on the outside, full of so much oil and fat that you can feel the arteries clog as you take in bite after delicious bite. Also, there would be a side of prime rib, rare, juicy, succulent prime rib that just melts in your mouth, wrapped in bacon for extra fatty goodness. There would also have to be a side of cheesy garlic bread. Cheese and garlic covering every salty, gooey morsal. The ribs themselves would be pork baby-back, or riblets from Applebees, covered in the sauce from Tony Roma's, totally covered in sauce, and falling off the bone, so you would actually have to eat it with a fork, and a tall glass of limeade with extra syrup, so it tastes like the bottom all the way up. And buffalo wings, no meal is complete with out buffalo wings, hot and spicy, with the fat and sauce pouring off every succulent bite, covering your plate and hands with orange oil, so much that you can, nay, have to lick it off of the plate. Sorry, I'm really hungry.
2 comments:
Hey its Devon making his first comment... and choosing to poke holes in Doug's big Apathy Party... thingy. I just wanted to say that if you were really apathetic you never would have actually gotten off your ass to write this post, thereby rendering your party null. Also if someone chose to run as an AAP(American Apathy Party)candidate, they would probably not care enough to do any fundraising... or campaigning... or probably even form the AAP.
Also as a side note, I wanted to make a anti-point out of the Oregonian from Sunday the 26th. on Page F1, under the headline, five things to watch for from President Bush, there are a number of logical fallicies that only someone with their head up their ass would fail to see and mentally correct. For instance, look at 2) Likeability "Bush acts and talks like a regular person. Kerry doesn't. Watch for Bush to use the power of television to contrast the American "Everyman" qualities he displayed after 9/11 with Kerry's awkward manner and elitist speech." --> Actions speak louder than word buddy, let's look at how the 2 parties acted when the candidates were in town back in August, and how the rallies are held in other cities. Kerry chose to go to a public rally where anyone, even his detractors could come and listen. Bush held a private, invites-only meeting at Southridge. Hmm... where's that "Everyman" quality now?
Also look at the 5) Civility "On the stump, Bush has steered clear of personal attacks. Kerry is angry, even frustrated, on the stump and regularly attacks the president's character. This doesn't work wll in the intimacy of a TV debate. Watch for Bush to go out of his way to do his best, but fail, to hide his contempt for the president." --> Hmm... I wonder who started the campaign of personal attacks? Hmm... could it BE BUSH... No of course not. My guess is that the reporter is only looking at the Rebublican convention speech, where Bush didn't bash Kerry, simply because he had his cronies do it for him first. There is no honor in this election campaign, Bush didn't have any to start with, and Keryy lost his by choosing to resort to Bush's methods of attack and defamement.
If these 2 candidates are the best that America can do then we are in a shit load of trouble. We might as well give up and let the Canadians take over.
But seriously, I encourage you to read this article, for yourself and correct me if I'm wrong. I don't think I am... at least superfically.
I strongly disagree with everything that Devon just said. Not because I have any good reasons or arguments, in fact, I didn't read it in the first place. I'm just that cool.
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