...but since Rach felt inclined to bring it up, I guess its time for an intelligent discussion.
Most/many of you have heard my "theory" before. I have little evidence to back it up. In fact, it started as a joke that I carried out too far and someone pointed out to me it actually seemed to make sense. I really need to find that person because I truely doubt anyone has agreed with me in the period of time AFTER this occured. A pity, really.
To sumerize the theory: all females are at least slightly attracted to members of the same sex. Or, "all girls are bi".
However, both of those simplifications boil it down too far. I do not mean to sound sick or perverted, and no, this does not spring out of some desparate fantasy whereby I'll encounter R...yeah...we'll stop there.. ;D
Honestally, stop and think about it for a second. Girls are extremely touchy-feely with one another. They travel en-mass to restrooms, have no problem SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED, share clothing frequently, play with each other's hair, oh, and did I mention they SLEEP IN THE SAME BED? Not to mention, girls will give each other "friendly kisses". And there's a group of you ladies out there who have no problem doing some serious gropage of one another. Sure, you're just making her "feel good", but that's still a girl you're pleauring dammit! That makes it bi on some level! (I mean, come on...you don't see guys doing that to one another, do you? Huh?)
Please note, I am making no statements about the heterosexuality or bisexuality of the males of the species here, only about the females. I am also well aware that you can explain away all of my reasons by saying "Yeah, sure John, girls do do these things...but they're just more comfortable with one another. There's no sexual attraction there. You guys are just all tense and homophobic! And you dream of us in the same bed, sicko!"
If by us you mean...well, I won't get into that. As for the rest of it, maybe you have a point. Maybe girls are just the friendliest people on the planet. But tell me this...how many of you females would grope, sleep with, kiss, etc. a guy that you WEREN'T attracted to? Or, to be more accurate, were sexually repulsed by? If the answer is "I wouldn't", then there is something sexual there.
If the answer is "Sure, I would" please leave your name, age, phone number, and other vital statistics and I'll have someone get in touch with you.
I also feel obliged to mention that however much I hate beaverton, I've never actually tried to run over their team. Rock on, Jeff, rock on!
Oh, and I've developed a talent for dodging cops...it was quite incredible. I haul home at 80+ the entire time, then suddenly decide to slow down...a minute later, the guy who'd passed me going 80 got pulled over...then I passed two more cops within a 5 minute period...my friends, beware the Mount Hood safety corridor. And always obey posted traffic laws and all that. Unless you're potentially late for football practice. Then all bets are off.
And a welcome aboard to all the new writers, and the new writers who are still to come. Sir Ben'salot, I'd reccomend Cynda, Rach, and Mishi as they all have oviaries and seem interested in the blog. A strong dose of estrogen will keep us all more sane. Or just make us more civilized. Or something.
10 comments:
Aw crap major typos. Here's the UNRATED EDITED SUPER VERSION of my previous comment.
First: what about me? I think I have some ovaries too... yeah... yeah, yeah I do. And I have cool stories, like how I got chased by a raccoon on the way home from school yesterday. Um, anyway.
The whole "girls are bi" argument is kind of stupid. You're TOTALLY overlooking that straight guys also do some gay stuff. Like the ass-smack in sports or that weird neck stretch you football guys do... that'd be a little bit homosexual, eh? Riddle me this, John: those guys who smack each other's butts after a good play or a particularly awesome sprint-- are they sexually attracted to one another? I know you could state that it's all just because of the nature of sport or it's a man thing or whatnot, but it's also hand-to-ass contact between two members of the same gender. Does that make them gay? No!
And the restrooms thing, well, it's like planning. I'll try to translate it into guy-ese. Um... it's kind of like how before a big game you get into a huddle with the rest of the team and your coach and talk about what you're gonna do and then have this big cheer and stuff, except it's with girls and in a bathroom and we're doing our hair and talking and trying not to make noise when we pee because that's gross. And that was a really big run-on sentence. Also, what the hell is wrong with sleeping in the same bed with another girl? It's not like we're gonna grope each other or something, we kind of need to sleep and there happens to be some extra room there... the answer is that we're just not scared of each other like that. We are, after all, the less rugged and hairy of the sexes.
John, come on "a group of girls?" At least give Manmick the credit they deserve!! That's all I ask, but for the record you're totally insane!!
Manmick? Is this a new term (as it seems to be), one I've heard but since forgotten, or am I just out of the loop? :P
I didn't specify the group of females because not all of them may wish to be specified. I have to be careful naming names...I know too many things I shouldn't. ^ ^
A, simple answer...if I slap some guy on his ass, he takes zero physical pleasure out of it. Not that I'm the ass-slapping type, mind you...but regardless, there is nothing there. I don't take pleasure, he doesn't take pleasure...its just like a slap on the back. With a grope, there's definate pleasure there for at least one person. I'd say both, judging by how much the groper normally enjoys it (in the traditional, dating, male/female couple).
And with sleeping together...I'm gonna shoot myself in the foot here. I've fallen asleep in girls arms before and had them fall asleep in mine. Nothing, absolutely nothing, physical happened. I did not mean to suggest that something physical always happened when two parties sleep together. However, there has to be some sort of an attraction there for it to work. Discounting the times you pass out in your clothes unaware of your surroundings. Regardless, if you dress down to pj's or undies and climb under the sheets with someone, and they're not family, I think somethings going on. Maybe I'm just a biased asshole (wait...I am... :D) but I still say, from my own experiences, that sleeping with someone generally means there is some level of attraction.
As for cutting my losses, I've lost nothing. Sure, some people can't handle the honest contemplation of ideas, that's their loss. Its not like I bring this up every chance I get...only when someone else does. In all honesty, I've put the whole matter behind me. I haven't been the one to bring it up in at least 8 months. Forgive me if I embrace the discussion when others feel inclined, however.
And as for me being totally wrong, male orient, etc....I specified from the begining I make no claims as to the attraction of guys to other guys. I am limiting this inquery to girls. So please, don't try and point out the gay things you've seen guys do. Or, if you do, offer it as another theory that guys are also partially bi. Or join the theories into one unified theory that no one in the world is straight and we're all gay to some degree! It would be groundbreaking! The churches would rock! Conservatives would crumble!
And an amendment to my earlier list of girls to be included...I hadn't realized A. was a member of our audience. She should definately be added to the list of authors. Post haste!
Manmick? Is this a new term (as it seems to be), one I've heard but since forgotten, or am I just out of the loop? :P
I didn't specify the group of females because not all of them may wish to be specified. I have to be careful naming names...I know too many things I shouldn't. ^ ^
A, simple answer...if I slap some guy on his ass, he takes zero physical pleasure out of it. Not that I'm the ass-slapping type, mind you...but regardless, there is nothing there. I don't take pleasure, he doesn't take pleasure...its just like a slap on the back. With a grope, there's definate pleasure there for at least one person. I'd say both, judging by how much the groper normally enjoys it (in the traditional, dating, male/female couple).
And with sleeping together...I'm gonna shoot myself in the foot here. I've fallen asleep in girls arms before and had them fall asleep in mine. Nothing, absolutely nothing, physical happened. I did not mean to suggest that something physical always happened when two parties sleep together. However, there has to be some sort of an attraction there for it to work. Discounting the times you pass out in your clothes unaware of your surroundings. Regardless, if you dress down to pj's or undies and climb under the sheets with someone, and they're not family, I think somethings going on. Maybe I'm just a biased asshole (wait...I am... :D) but I still say, from my own experiences, that sleeping with someone generally means there is some level of attraction.
As for cutting my losses, I've lost nothing. Sure, some people can't handle the honest contemplation of ideas, that's their loss. Its not like I bring this up every chance I get...only when someone else does. In all honesty, I've put the whole matter behind me. I haven't been the one to bring it up in at least 8 months. Forgive me if I embrace the discussion when others feel inclined, however.
And as for me being totally wrong, male orient, etc....I specified from the begining I make no claims as to the attraction of guys to other guys. I am limiting this inquery to girls. So please, don't try and point out the gay things you've seen guys do. Or, if you do, offer it as another theory that guys are also partially bi. Or join the theories into one unified theory that no one in the world is straight and we're all gay to some degree! It would be groundbreaking! The churches would rock! Conservatives would crumble!
And an amendment to my earlier list of girls to be included...I hadn't realized A. was a member of our audience. She should definately be added to the list of authors. Post haste!
On Jeff's comment (I withdrew from the whole "girls are bi" thing for good)...
That whole business of "acting gay for fun" is seriously the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. And I don't claim any higher level of maturity...never have. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm straight and I don't see how acting gay is so much fun...not to mention it annoys the piss outta me.
So there's my two cents.
Oh, and yes. It does make you less straight to say you "tease" another guy, not to mention actually doing it.
So that's about four cents. Keep the change.
Hey, John, props for stating your beliefs, which I happen to agree with. I once heard a statistic that 4 out of every 5 girls was bi and that sounded almost high enough. Oh, and Jeff, never have I seen a more blatant attempt to appeal to girls by agreeing with them. Have you no shame?
He doesn't. He really...really doesn't.
Heh, I must agree with dave...I should definately have gotten beaten up many times over. For some reason, that never seems to happen, despite people's knowledge that the odds of me doing anything back are low. Point in fact: had I caught up to misha the other day, all I coulda done was pour water on her or something harmless. That's all it warenteed, but still, I tend towards the harmless side. Unless you really get me mad. In which case running will do you no good whatsoever, as I probably know where you live. Yeah.
As for the violent opposition to the theory, I find that ok. This is just a THEORY. I've got some stuff I consider "evidence", you've got your opinions that its not really fact. Hopefully, we're both learning something here. (For example...what's with this "No one can hear me when I pee" crap? Really...its just water with some chemicals...)
I've also spent some time thinking about why guys always see lesbians as hot and girls are rarely attracted to gay males. My conclusion was thus: guys sterotype lesbians/bisexuals as attractive. Two attractive girls going at it is a 3 plus situation...two attractive girls and no male competition. This is seen as a good thing. Guys overlook the fact that if they are in fact both lesbian, they will have no chance at getting any...probably because the male ego refuses to allow us to think we'll fail given a serious attempt. Except for some crushed and broken creatures who are perhaps no longer really male for their lack of confidence in themselves... (Just kidding, folks, just kidding!)
Girls, on the other hand, consistantly curse that "all the hot guys are gay" or some varation thereof. While some girls are crazy enough to think they can turn a guy straight, most realize its a futile task and move on with their lives. Furthermore, despite their tendancies along the same lines as the males (ie, judging a person based soley on appearances) girls seem to require more before looking for a long term mate. (I am, of course, discounting the "makeout buddies" and "fukbuddies" some girls so love :D) Guys don't really think past the initial conquest and often seem to have the impression that that lovely bimbo will be great as a life partner. Girls require some assurance of stability...a good personality, intellignece, or money. ;D
Yeah, I'm being a biased male again...but what can I say...that's what I tend to be. :D Feel free to disagree with me, I just ask you limit your criticisms to my arguements/ideas. And put some thought into it this time! :D
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