One word: Mexicans. Everybody hates their Mexicans, and Hillsboro is chock full of them. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not being racist, I actually am Mexican myself, and I see my people for what they are. In fact, most of you don't know this but my name is really Juan. Jose Don Juan Rodrigez. Don't believe me? Check my birth certificate. Hillsboro is perhaps the single worst city in the state, and is really starting to piss me off. The only good thing about it is that they have really crappy football teams, and allows me to actually get some playing time in against them. But this is one of the reasons that Hillsboro sucks. Cities are defined by their High School football teams. In fact, everything is defined by High School football, that and high school rugby. Last week, Hillsburrito lost to Beaverton teams a total of 193-9. I mean talk about suck. They also are home to the most corrupt institutions in the country: the DEQ clean air emission testing facility. They will charge you $75 for two tiny little stickers that any two year old could forge. Good thing I stole mine off of some Mexican. They are also the county seat. WTF, a city cannot be county seat if they have football teams that lose 193-9. It should go to the rightful owner, Beaverton, because Beaverton kicks ass. Except Beaverton High School, which sucks, and will lose on Fri. VANCIL IS A DIRTY JEW!!! But the real reason that Hillsboro is evil is this. It is right next to the wanna be Hillsboroville of North Plains. Now North Plains is a quite little town, and not worth notice, except for this: I was driving down 26, minding my own business, and this Mexican cop, okay, he wasn't Mexican, but I could tell that he wished he was, cuts across the grass merdian, and pulls me over. Now I'm stuck paying $100 worth of fines and taking this stupid class over the internet that is supposed to teach me how to drive safely. But the only thing that it has taught me is that if you speed, don't do it in North Plains! Also, that Mexicans suck. Also, Hillsboro has a warewolf problem. Warewolves infest Hillsboro to no end, and you know how much warewolves suck.
6 comments:
That was bust a gut funny.
No, Jeff, and any others that might have caught on to my so-called "spelling mistake." These wretched beasts are worse than mere werewolves, in so far as to be a new breed of horror, known only as the dreaded "Warewolf." These are far more dangerous, as they not only have the soul of a wolf, but they also have bad eyesight, and pretend that they are good at Math and English. But most their most evil and despicable trait is their preoccupation with hitting on your girlfriend, or at least they do on mine.
You don't get it.
"You don't get it."
hahahah
Hey, unincorporated Washington County here. We'd kick all y'all's asses, if we knew where we were. I'm between two highways in the middle of a hill, HELP!
I'll save you!
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